Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Long Enough to Choke You

if you are my lawn and someone is trying to mow you, that is. Our grass was REALLY tall, tall enough to choke the mower and I decided to take care of it. AND there is no bag collection on the mower. AND now there are huge mounds of grass that need to be raked. AND it is 100 degrees here. OH happy day.

In my house of "feministic, but not really that much", well we don't have any set jobs. The grass is not his and the dishes are not mine. What this amounts to is that both of our lazy asses lay around and wait to see how long something can go before the other one of us takes care of it. It is a plan of genius, really it is.

So, I set out to mow. Before doing this I got the kids situated in the pool, cool and happy. I can see the pool while I mow so I can work and watch at the same time. About 10 seconds into the job I'm sweating profusely - it is literally 100 degrees out. So about halfway through the job my husband comes out from the A/C and offers to finish the job. I wave him off. I'm here, I'm hot, I might as well finish it. The hotness is then taking over and I think to myself that I would not be here if it weren't for my feministic ideal ways, but I try to think of the bigger picture. Then the walls come crashing down as I watch my husband canonball into the pool with the kids. They are all happy, splashing smiles of coolness and I'm sputtering, choking and hazy eyed while making puddles of sweat in the 100 degree heat. The longer I mow the jungle, the more enraged I become. On my last sweep past the pool I scream out JERKASS!! to him - which my kids mistakenly think I want a juice box. Uhhmm, not likely unless Jack has taken the Lynchburg Lemonade to box form. Ahem. I think, what kind of sadistic jerkwad man would allow his delicate flower of a wife to mow the lawn in 100 DEGREE HEAT while he swims in a 62 degree pool!!?? And then I remember, OH YEAH, the kind of man who is married to a feministic, but not really that much, kind of girl who refuses to iron.

But, I know what you really want to know...Who did the dishes? Oh yeah, that was me, too. A plan of genius I tell you. I'm just not sure who the real genius is here...