It's all related

We've got family coming to visit for a week tomorrow, so don't mind me as I try to get my ass in gear and clean up this place. Did I mention they are staying for an entire WEEK? Did I mention that I don't necessarily have ANYTHING to talk about with 75% of the crowd? That I'm not really looking forward to this?

I'm struggling with the whole idea that family is the most important. I understand it for me, Hunk and our kids, but beyond that I don't understand why blood relation is a requirement to bend over backwards and spend time with someone whom you would not ordinarily ever hang out with. I get it for my parents, really - while we don't have a lot in common I can appreciate all that they have done for me over my lifetime. I can understand how they probably feel about me because I can translate that from how I feel about my kids. And while we don't have the same interests they are both pretty cool. I just don't get why we usually feel obligated to spend so much time with cousins, siblings, etc. with whom we really don't have anything in common with. If we weren't related I would NEVER go on vacation with them, and I certainly wouldn't let them invade my house.

Don't think I'm a jerk - I love my family, many of them.....but what about all the asshats in there? Why do they get a pass just because we played together when we were younger? I just don't place the value of blood relation as the foundation for "family" and why I have to cater to them. I guess I'm just too nice to say no. I mean, 'I' don't want to be THE asshat in the family...

Who has a vacuum and wants to come over?

Keeping it to myself

Putting words out on a blog can be a lot of different things to people. I have kept my blog somewhat anonymous because I like to use it at times to rant about people who annoy me, or situations that clearly I would handle in a much better way. I use my blog for both good and bad, but it's been pretty easy to just put anything out there since many of my readers are strangers. Some of my readers have turned into friends and aquaintances, but the majority are not people who would be affected personally by my everyday complaint.

Today, I wish my blog was totally anonymous - I want so bad to spill my guts and yet I know that the person who hath offended reads here. I feel so restrained because I want to share the situation, but I know that if I do it opens up a whole can of worms for me, not to mention that it could be hurtful for the other party to put it all out in the public. It's a fine line of deciding what to put out there and what to keep. Having a sounding board of readers, but not being able to use them feels paralyzing.

So, I'll just leave you with this......that whole thing, with them, and the others, it's very frustrating and I hate it. And I wish you could step back from yourself...and just realize.

Y'all have a good weekend - it's going to rain here, with big thunderstorms. Quite appropriate..

Own it!

Why is it so hard for someone to JUST.OWN.IT? If you upset someone, and they let you know what is wrong, why do some people continue to just back pedal in the discussion???

Is it really SOOO difficult to just say "Yeah, I can see where you're coming from...." (and ACTUALLY assess the situation). Heh, I said "The Situation". I'm not even trolling for an apology, especially a forced one. Just OWN IT. You pissed me off and I have every right on earth to let you know it. No matter how misguided you believe my anger to be does not replace the fact that YOU upset ME. If you cared an ounce about me I would think the fact that I am upset about something would be enough for you to step out of your box and look at the situation instead of being a blamer.

Key words - Acknowledgement & Discussion - take note.

Your kid annoys me...

I have kids. Like most parents, I think my kids are pretty amazing. There is a distinct difference in me and many parents (that I encounter) - I live in REALITY. You see, even though I think my kids are pretty amazing, I also think that my kids can be really annoying. Every kid on earth has the opportunity to be really annoying, on many levels, on many occasions and it is up to me, and others as parents, to STOP THAT SHIT, immediately.

We went to see Santa last night. This year, the mall did this wonderful new trick where they no longer take reservations to see Santa - you just have to wait in line, for an hour and a half. With no benches. No wi-fi. No fountain to drown yourself in......


We had the option to go see a different Santa, however, THIS is OUR Santa. We've sat on this man's lap for the past 12 years, there was no chance I wanted to find a new Santa. It would totally mess up our entire photo collection. So, we waited.

Hunk offered to let me take the kids to dinner and he would hold our spot. I didn't take him up on that offer because I feared for the kid behind us. In the 1 and a half minutes that they had been behind us in line, the kid had bumped, rammed or otherwise touched me 5 times. I DO NOT like to be touched. I was on the verge of losing my cool, and let's just say that when it comes to obnoxious kids I am about 8 million times more patient than Hunk. I stayed for the safety of that kid.

When I get in a line, I strategically stop well before I get close to the folks in front of me. I don't like to be crowed, I don't like to be touched by strangers and I have limited patience for ignoramous people. I compensate for my known issues and I leave a buffer zone. The people behind us were reasonably buffered, for about 10 minutes, then they began to "inch". I have no earthly idea why people in a line must "inch" - especially when the line is NOT moving. See, Santa was away on his dinner break so we were just standing there, and yet people continued to "inch" forward as if it were going to help them get to Santa faster. By the time we reached the 45 minute mark the people behind us were literally rubbing up against me with every breath they took. I was seriously on the verge of a break down. But, I had my buffer in the front. I saved at least 3 feet between me and the people before me......so I scooted up a little. They CONTINUED to "inch". There was no escaping these people behind me and their obnoxious kid.

And it wasn't just them - it was a myriad of obnoxious kids. I don't understand how people let their children act so utterly annoying in public. There was a kiosk next to use where you could print off a coupon for your photos, well since there wasn't any entertainment for those kids waiting in line lots of kids thought the kiosk was a great thing to play with. In an hour and a half we waited there were about 6-8 kids who managed to print off about 856 coupons, and only to leave them in a pile on the floor. WTH? I realize that little kids need to be occupied, but here's a newsflash - you are going to WAIT IN LINE for Santa, what part of that shit does a parent not understand? Hello?! Bring a bag of tricks, a DS, a book, WHATEVER it takes. There has never been a Santa without a line, do you people not watch movies??????? Have you ever been to see Santa?????? There is ALWAYS a line!

The icing on the cake is that the obnoxious kids have such pathetic parents. It literally makes me ill to hear a parent giving their child exactly what they want when the kid is being a total douche. I want to kick the parents in the shins who have no balls to tell their kid to cool it.

But, hey, we got to see Santa. And the 30 seconds we spent with him were totally worth the 90 minutes of excruciating agony spent with your annoying kid shoving his face in my crack. And then we were treated to a wallet assassination by the photo people. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Suck It, Dude

I'm a parent who volunteers. Sometimes, I wish I were one of the parents who just drop their kids off and screech out of the parking lot to the nearest Starbucks. But I'm not. I play the roll of coach, leader, etc.... There are very few activities that my kids are involved in that I don't play some sort of roll as a volunteer.

I volunteer because I like to see what my kids are up to and I enjoy being a part of their interests. I usually have a great time, get to do fun things with my kids and see who they are hanging out with. I am currently volunteering for my daughter's drama production. While I signed up for several very specific areas, I was mostly interested in set production and I've shown up for 2 weekends to build a set. It is driving me crazy that there is no "plan" in place here! We show up and the theater kids are spending their time socializing, not working. Not to mention that the adults are helpless without direction. When a job finally becomes apparent, there are so many bored people that jump in to assist that it becomes annoying. Does it really take 3 people to screw in 6 screws? No, but there is not a job list, there is not a direction, there is not a vision and it is driving me batty! The drama director has it all locked up in his head and by the time he tries to show you what he wants, he has basically done it for himself. BAHHHH!!

I'm appalled by the lack of architectural integrity that is going into this project - things are unstable (which I've pointed out several areas of concern) and the work is shoddy. I realize that we are all just trying to pull something together with a very little amount of money, but the reality is that if the project had some real planning and thought it could be spectacular - and stable! The director has asked me to come in on 2 occasions to do some paperwork for him, and both times I have shown up he was not ready for me. An email or phone call could have saved me a trip!!

I'm wasting my time left and right with this guy and I want to tell him exactly what I think of him, but I don't. I'm often reluctant to voice my opinions to teachers in fear of my child becoming a 'target'. I would never hold my thoughts on any serious matter, but the fact that I think this guy is a total disorganized, pathetic leader is something that I hold my tongue on. I want to scream at him that he pales to invisibility when compared to his predecessor, I want to shout at him that he has no business leading a group of 30+ preteen girls and how he has absolutely not one frickin' clue on how to handle the real 'drama' that these girls are going through just because of their age. But, for now and for the sake of saving my child the embarrassment, I must keep my mouth shut and continue to waste my time piddling around this prick's idea of production!! The show must go on!

It's not FAIR!

I'm usually pretty easy going, I don't get too rattled about stuff - except within my own house, and then crap will fly if you leave a wet towel on the floor, or look at me sideways. Anyway, in the big world I don't typically sweat the small stuff, and many of my friends would say that I am pretty laid back. I don't lose my head if things go awry at school, work, sports, etc. I'm typically fine to be along for the ride and if you screw something up, I'm trying to downplay it so that you don't feel so bad.

But some things, just make me mad. And they are so stupid, and so petty and I feel like such a moron for it. Mostly these things are when people who are super shitty seemingly spend their lives walking on beds of roses. Now, I know that everyone has their demons, their problems and their hidden woes - nothing is all how it seems on the outside. I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't like to see these people succeed, in anything. Yeah, like I said, PETTY. I'm being it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around wishing the plague on anyone. I don't hope they contract horrible diseases, or die a fiery death. But I just can't be happy for certain people when things go their way. When I hear good news, or stories of success, about someone that I know is a total douche it just pisses me off. I hate this about myself, because I don't want to walk around loathing certain people, but if you are a bottom feeder, I prefer to see you staying at the bottom.

Of course, the universe doesn't exist so that all the happy, fun people can get ahead. I don't know WHY the universe exists, but that's not it. The universe is perfectly happy to see the backstabbers and the manipulators get ahead. What I have to realize is the DEFINITION of "ahead". Maybe, what I see as their success is covering a much deeper problem (I can HOPE!). Maybe, I need to quit thinking that "ahead" means this, this and this.....

I just feel like a loser, because someone I know is reporting all kinds of happiness, bunnies and unicorns in her life. And in my heart, I know that she is a total wanker, and I don't like her. And to hear of her success, just pisses me off. I'm stamping my foot and screaming in my head that it just isn't FAIR!

Think me shallow, much?

Pioneer

I've been working on de-cluttering my life. We simply have TOO.MUCH.STUFF. And the thing is, I'm not really a "stuff" kind of person. The problem is that after 16 years we have just accumulated a lot, and failed to go 'out with the old and in with the new'(er). I donate a ton to Goodwill, especially the kids clothes and old toys. But we have tons of other things that I have a hard time sending out the door, which turns into piles of stuff. I'm a bit sentimental when it comes to things that my belong to my kids. I think this comes from having a bad memory - and I really do have a bad memory. I used to have an excellent memory and could tell you dates and events without batting an eye, but I've had WAY TOO MANY Diet Cokes in the past 20 years and I truly, honestly believe that Diet Coke has robbed me of my brain cells. Or at least the Aspartame (?). I don't have vivid memories like I used to have. I remember stuff, but if I have a tangible item it really does spark a memory, so I tend to hold onto "stuff". I'm also of the mindset that "this could be useful at some point", which causes me to hang onto things that could be better off sent to Goodwill (or the trash!). It also invariably happens that the moment I donate something, within a month I am wishing that I had it for (fill in the blank).

Anyway, my point - I'm cleaning in my basement. Half of the basement is finished, but we have some unfinished storage, too. And a basement garage. Both of those areas tend to get spidery, which freaks me out completely. So upon cleaning in those areas, I'm sucking up webs and debris (shudders) and finding things to recycle, or trash. I found some jackets, towels, gloves and just general items of clothing that for one reason or another were stored away. And these are items that we can still use (when winter rolls around) so I now need to wash them and rid them of could be spiders (eeeek!). My problem is that I have a nice, new, fancy washing machine and the thought of putting these items in my new machine gives me the total heebie jeebies.

Speaking of hanging onto STUFF - guess what is sitting in my garage? My OLD washing machine. STILL. My intention is to put it on Craigslist or donate it to someone in need, but I have done neither. The machine still works great and it is just sitting there. A pity.

So, I decide that I will do the 'could be' spider laundry in the old machine, which I rolled out onto the patio and hooked up to the outdoor hose for a water supply. See, I am a bit ingenious. And now, I am doing laundry outside. Honestly, it is like I am a Pioneer woman. Really, we live in the woods and I'm washing clothes out here with Mother Nature - except that I have electricity. And running water. And laundry detergent. And a washing machine.

Ahem.

Pain

Does it make me a horrible parent if I'm just DONE. I'm so over this whole 'vacation'. I can. not. wait. for school on Tuesday.

I guess I feel partially horrible because one of my kids just had surgery and I'm just not so happy to answer a damn ringing bell every three seconds. I'm so over all of this. I truly do hate to see her in pain, but I am about to go over the frickin' edge here. I have another week at home with this kid, but THANK GOD for TUESDAY when I can ship this other one out!!

In other news, uhhhhm. There is no other news.

Hunk and I were discussing on December 18 how great we've been getting along. Not that we normally hate each other or anything, but we bicker and annoy one another pretty often. We had a long streak of pleasantness. Unusually long. But let me tell you, that streak has been broken, stripped and puree'd in a Magic Bullet. You see, December 18 was the first day of Hunk's vacation. And then he was off until January 2. And the kiddos were home from school for the entire time. And we all slowly began to despise one another.

Hopefully getting back to work and school for half of the household will relieve some of this stress. Of course, my crashed PC isn't helping anything. It truly SUCKS to depend on your better half as your PC geek and WITHOUT FAIL he is traveling EVERY TIME there is a hiccup. Only this time, it's a fucking puke storm. And I REALLY need to work. Shit.


**don't you judge me - I'm not some stupid idiot that knows nothing about PC's. I'm very self sufficient, mostly. The stupid ass hard drive is clicking and the operating system can't be found - that's serious doo doo.