Ice Ice Baby!

I can't believe I skipped the entire month of February! I suppose I was too busy celebrating my birthday. I got to go on an awesome trip to Niagara Falls - it was quick, but really, there's not much to do there short of looking at the falls. I'm definitely not into all the kitchy entertainment offered. My kids were dying to do all the crazy stuff, of course, but we kept pretty much to my idea of fun. And really, how much fun can a 40 year old be? Anyone for Denny's?????

The frozen-ness of everything was incredible! I'm from the deep south so we really don't get to see snow like what we experienced. I'm grateful that there was no snow falling from the sky while we were there, we got to see PLENTY of it piled all around us and floating atop the Great Lakes and the Niagara River. There was about 10 or more feet of ice floating on top of the river just under Niagara Falls, everything around the falls was caked with ice and the portholes behind the falls were completely frozen shut. We still paid to take the Journey Behind the Falls (at a much reduced rate because of the frozen portholes) which allowed us to go down and peek out near the bottom of the Horseshoe Falls. It was pretty cool.

What the heck?? I think it's a Boy!

I chose to take my kids on this trip, something we would not normally do during the school year. We took them out of school because I wanted them to be with me to celebrate - I hope it will be a great memory for all of us. I know that I am so grateful that I was able to take the quick trip and enjoy my celebration with the people I love the most!

Back to reality. We recently purchased two horses! The horses are residing at their regular barn until we can get some fencing done around here. We've had horses here before (20 years ago!) and things have become run down, broken, rusted, etc. from non use. There are several trees in the woods that have fallen across areas of the fencing that need mending and we've got tons of new fence to add. We took down a lot of the old fence over the years! Gah!



So here are my new kids - Magic and Hazanny. Magic is a Quarter Horse and Annie is an Arabian. They are sweet as can be and I think will be a lot of fun for my girls (and ME!). I'm totally a horse girl and I have missed my horses soooooooo much. I'm so excited to have this new opportunity. Of course, I am married to a city boy who has barely even touched a horse so I'm on my own with this adventure. Hunk is happy to pay for the stuff, but he's not so keen on the involvement of it all.

Today was probably one of the worst days ever, it's not life threatening or anything, but got totally blindsided by life altering news. I needed some time to pound things out today, so I spent a majority of my day in our old barn. I haven't been down to the barn much at all in the past 20 years since the other horses left. The barn is a good 300ft. away from our house, so it's kinda out there. It has become a catch all storage unit for my dad's tools - in fact, he converted the stalls to a workshop, which means we need new stalls (blergh). We've got various yard appliances parked there and who knows what else. The barn needs a lot of attention with the impending arrival of my new girls so I decided to get started today. I forgot how much I love being in the barn, it's big and airy and it still smells like hay. It was very good therapy for me today, that's for sure. I also unloaded a trailer full of fencing wood - it was heavy and very labor intensive, but I got to throw stuff around, make a lot of noise and just get some of this crap out. I feel better, but damn, this just sucks.

Keeping it to myself

Putting words out on a blog can be a lot of different things to people. I have kept my blog somewhat anonymous because I like to use it at times to rant about people who annoy me, or situations that clearly I would handle in a much better way. I use my blog for both good and bad, but it's been pretty easy to just put anything out there since many of my readers are strangers. Some of my readers have turned into friends and aquaintances, but the majority are not people who would be affected personally by my everyday complaint.

Today, I wish my blog was totally anonymous - I want so bad to spill my guts and yet I know that the person who hath offended reads here. I feel so restrained because I want to share the situation, but I know that if I do it opens up a whole can of worms for me, not to mention that it could be hurtful for the other party to put it all out in the public. It's a fine line of deciding what to put out there and what to keep. Having a sounding board of readers, but not being able to use them feels paralyzing.

So, I'll just leave you with this......that whole thing, with them, and the others, it's very frustrating and I hate it. And I wish you could step back from yourself...and just realize.

Y'all have a good weekend - it's going to rain here, with big thunderstorms. Quite appropriate..

Own it!

Why is it so hard for someone to JUST.OWN.IT? If you upset someone, and they let you know what is wrong, why do some people continue to just back pedal in the discussion???

Is it really SOOO difficult to just say "Yeah, I can see where you're coming from...." (and ACTUALLY assess the situation). Heh, I said "The Situation". I'm not even trolling for an apology, especially a forced one. Just OWN IT. You pissed me off and I have every right on earth to let you know it. No matter how misguided you believe my anger to be does not replace the fact that YOU upset ME. If you cared an ounce about me I would think the fact that I am upset about something would be enough for you to step out of your box and look at the situation instead of being a blamer.

Key words - Acknowledgement & Discussion - take note.

Suck It, Dude

I'm a parent who volunteers. Sometimes, I wish I were one of the parents who just drop their kids off and screech out of the parking lot to the nearest Starbucks. But I'm not. I play the roll of coach, leader, etc.... There are very few activities that my kids are involved in that I don't play some sort of roll as a volunteer.

I volunteer because I like to see what my kids are up to and I enjoy being a part of their interests. I usually have a great time, get to do fun things with my kids and see who they are hanging out with. I am currently volunteering for my daughter's drama production. While I signed up for several very specific areas, I was mostly interested in set production and I've shown up for 2 weekends to build a set. It is driving me crazy that there is no "plan" in place here! We show up and the theater kids are spending their time socializing, not working. Not to mention that the adults are helpless without direction. When a job finally becomes apparent, there are so many bored people that jump in to assist that it becomes annoying. Does it really take 3 people to screw in 6 screws? No, but there is not a job list, there is not a direction, there is not a vision and it is driving me batty! The drama director has it all locked up in his head and by the time he tries to show you what he wants, he has basically done it for himself. BAHHHH!!

I'm appalled by the lack of architectural integrity that is going into this project - things are unstable (which I've pointed out several areas of concern) and the work is shoddy. I realize that we are all just trying to pull something together with a very little amount of money, but the reality is that if the project had some real planning and thought it could be spectacular - and stable! The director has asked me to come in on 2 occasions to do some paperwork for him, and both times I have shown up he was not ready for me. An email or phone call could have saved me a trip!!

I'm wasting my time left and right with this guy and I want to tell him exactly what I think of him, but I don't. I'm often reluctant to voice my opinions to teachers in fear of my child becoming a 'target'. I would never hold my thoughts on any serious matter, but the fact that I think this guy is a total disorganized, pathetic leader is something that I hold my tongue on. I want to scream at him that he pales to invisibility when compared to his predecessor, I want to shout at him that he has no business leading a group of 30+ preteen girls and how he has absolutely not one frickin' clue on how to handle the real 'drama' that these girls are going through just because of their age. But, for now and for the sake of saving my child the embarrassment, I must keep my mouth shut and continue to waste my time piddling around this prick's idea of production!! The show must go on!

It's not FAIR!

I'm usually pretty easy going, I don't get too rattled about stuff - except within my own house, and then crap will fly if you leave a wet towel on the floor, or look at me sideways. Anyway, in the big world I don't typically sweat the small stuff, and many of my friends would say that I am pretty laid back. I don't lose my head if things go awry at school, work, sports, etc. I'm typically fine to be along for the ride and if you screw something up, I'm trying to downplay it so that you don't feel so bad.

But some things, just make me mad. And they are so stupid, and so petty and I feel like such a moron for it. Mostly these things are when people who are super shitty seemingly spend their lives walking on beds of roses. Now, I know that everyone has their demons, their problems and their hidden woes - nothing is all how it seems on the outside. I guess what I'm getting at is that I don't like to see these people succeed, in anything. Yeah, like I said, PETTY. I'm being it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not walking around wishing the plague on anyone. I don't hope they contract horrible diseases, or die a fiery death. But I just can't be happy for certain people when things go their way. When I hear good news, or stories of success, about someone that I know is a total douche it just pisses me off. I hate this about myself, because I don't want to walk around loathing certain people, but if you are a bottom feeder, I prefer to see you staying at the bottom.

Of course, the universe doesn't exist so that all the happy, fun people can get ahead. I don't know WHY the universe exists, but that's not it. The universe is perfectly happy to see the backstabbers and the manipulators get ahead. What I have to realize is the DEFINITION of "ahead". Maybe, what I see as their success is covering a much deeper problem (I can HOPE!). Maybe, I need to quit thinking that "ahead" means this, this and this.....

I just feel like a loser, because someone I know is reporting all kinds of happiness, bunnies and unicorns in her life. And in my heart, I know that she is a total wanker, and I don't like her. And to hear of her success, just pisses me off. I'm stamping my foot and screaming in my head that it just isn't FAIR!

Think me shallow, much?

Missing Cat

My cat is gone. The cat I got when I first got married (our first child!), Ashley. She was a lovely little Russian Blue with beautiful gray hair. She has been a daily part of my life for the past 16 years and 2 months. Ashley was an indoor cat up until June of this year. She had no interest in stepping outside of the house, but suddenly she was streaking out of the house every time there was a crack in the door. She would push her way through and leap out into the yard. It was all really weird, but after a week of trying to discourage her she became an outdoor cat. She would come to the back door and bang the screen door to get my attention. She would act all frantic as if she were a starving orphan (when she ate not 20 minutes prior) I would open the door and she would race through the house to the front door (where the food was) and persistently exclaim that she was HUNGRY! And she did not want to eat inside the house, she demanded that her food be served on the front porch. Weirdo.

I brought her in the house every chance I got and she would claw her way back outside. She simply decided that she was now an outdoor cat. And her personality changed completely. Our other cat (Emmie) goes in and out of the house as he pleases. He has been the ruler of the universe for many, many moons. But as Ashley gained her new independance she became very fiesty. Ashley used to watch Emmie steal her treats and sit quietly by, but outside she became the Queen of Everything and suddenly Emmie was taking a backseat. I watched in astonishment as Ashley would literally push Emmie away from the food as she took the lion's share of whatever she wanted. It was like Bizarro Cat World. Everything was totally backwards and opposite.

Until Saturday, August 8. Hunk was awake at 4 am, not sure why. He said Ashley was at the back door. Nothing unusual, she was waiting for breakfast. When I awoke around 7 am and went to feed her, she was not there. She hasn't been back since. I have worried and searched for that cat everyday since then. I have come to the realization that she is probably not coming back.

I've made flyers, visited Animal Control, etc. I know that no one would let her stay inside their house because she shits everywhere (she is old and had lost a lot of control), also her insistance to be outdoors. We had our house carpeted in puppy pads for her problems, so when she decided to take it outside I admit we were a bit happy. I have a hard time believing that she was just old and died in her sleep, because of the tenacity she was showing the day prior to her disappearance. I would like to think that she just died of old age, but I have visions of her meeting a coyote, or getting hit by a car (not TOO likely, we live in the sticks) and it just haunts me. I HATE HATE HATE to think she might've suffered, or needed help and felt all alone. But she is an animal, she was equipped to handle herself (she had her claws) and she WANTED to be outside.

At times I feel irresponsible for letting her go outside, but then again, I feel like it is the right thing to do to let her be where she truly wanted to be. We have a LOT of land, and while I can't control the animals I feel that she was completely safe from any man-made dangers. I felt better that Emmie decided to stay outside once she was out there - they were fierce friends and I felt that *maybe* they would look out for each other. Emmie continues to look for her everyday, he is lost without her and he has not left the front porch since she has been missing. He absolutely will not come inside the house - I guess he thinks he might miss her if she returns. He is no doubt a sad cat.

I just miss her. Not knowing is just the WORST part. I keep looking at the back door, expecting to see her little gray face getting all frantic as if she hadn't eaten in months. I'm longing for the way she got underfoot to swirl between my legs to let me know that I was indeed "her person". I'm just sad.

You are a TOOL

I was looking through my Vegas photos and saw a photo of a homeless man, which reminded me of a situation while there and thus proceeded to make me hopping mad, again, this morning.

There are a lot of people in Vegas, in the world, that are beggars, homeless or otherwise in need. I get it, sometimes it's bad luck, sometimes it's a lazy choice, sometimes it's drugs...it will never be solved and no matter what we do, there will always be people asking for help.

I tend to feel empathetic towards people on the street asking for help. I realize that a majority of the time they are asking for the reasoning of getting alcohol or drugs and I also know that many of them have plenty of cash - I am not naive. The empathy that I feel is that they have chosen this as a life, when there are other options. Most of the time I will just pass them by, offer a smile or hello and sometimes I give them change. While in Vegas a guy approached us in the parking lot of our hotel. He got our attention in a friendly manner and then approached closer with a story that he had a pregnant wife, blah, blah, blah. I KNEW it was all smoke and mirrors, but I was in a particularly good mood, feeling very blessed that I was on a vacation and so I gave the guy $5.00 and said, "Good Luck".

Then, then the guy proceeded to say that $5.00 was not enough, he needs another $10. Talk about balls. I promptly said, sorry and good luck, again, but what I really wanted to do was to kick him in the balls and take my 5 bucks back! What a loser.

What a mood killer.