Monday, April 28, 2008


We have 2 cats. Recently one of them, "M" has begun pooping on our carpet.

The cats have full access via a cat door to the outside world, they also have a catbox in the basement, where the catdoor area is. WTF???!!

Could it be rebellion? Our cats have been in the family longer than the kids. The cats don't really like the kids (seeing as how the arrival of kids pretty much kicked the cats to the bottom of the ladder). ALSO, one of my children has recently figured out how to pick up, dress up and carry around the cat. My child will only do this to "M" as he is a decidedly good sport and won't scratch her eyes out. I do believe that one day he will go postal on her, but I've given many a fair warning to them both - I can only hope for the best.

Could it be that we recently went on vacation and left the cats alone for a week? Are they mad?? My initial reaction is that "M" is PISSED about being abandoned for a week. Now, before you go call the kitty police realize this - the cats can come and go as they please, they had automatic fresh water at all times and a bigass self feeding container. No one was neglected.

The POOP mystery was solved by my husband. He caught "M" in a struggle, flailing and fighting, meowing and thrashing.......STUCK in the cat door!! This is the single funniest, sad situation I believe I've every encountered. The poor cat has eaten himself into oblivion and can no longer fit through the cat door which leads to the basement!! "M" has always been a big boy, but apparently having a week of self feeding has pushed him over the edge into full on KITTY OBESITY. He can't get to the catbox, he can't get to the outside via the basement because he simply can't get to the basement!! He won't fit through door number one, though try as he might. So I give you......drumroll, please.....Mr. Fatass Kitty Cat "M". And I beg to find out exactly how to fit this ROUND ASS through a square hole.
The cat door has been removed for the safety of all cats involved (and to make room for a larger hole which will house a DOG door, to accomodate the 'Hey Kool Aid' Cat.)

No cats, or children, were harmed in the making of this post......and yes, he is now on diet food.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


What do you do when a really good friend tells you something and it causes you to never want to visit her again? And it has nothing to do with her.

It's him (but that's usually the case - sorry guys...). So, we are just chatting and having some quality girl time when it somehow gets around to talking about our men and that's when I find out this interesting tidbit. Her man is OBSESSED with peeing outside. Maybe it's territorial, maybe it's a love for the outdoors, who knows. Every chance the man gets he pees in the backyard. EVERY CHANCE. Meaning almost daily. At first I found this funny, but then I started to think about it. GaaROoSS!

The thought of my kids playing in that yard is disturbing, but worse than that is the thought that there is no soap or sink in that backyard - meaning I don't want to touch their doorknobs!! EEEwwwww!! Then, does he go in the house and wash his hands, or is this an all natural experience and he goes on about his business. Is the

I'm a germ freak, clearly, but this is beyond my comprehension. So how much longer can I keep putting them off for that dinner invitation?

Monday, April 14, 2008

God Hates Sinners

We spent the last week along with all the young, nubile, mostly naked teens at the beach - SPRING BREAK, BABY!! We took our kids to Seaside for our first ever 7 day long beach trip. We usually cap out at 4 days, but we stayed the entire week. Probably because my husband liked the "scenery".

We purchased beach set up service (living LARGE). When we got to the beach we had a nice set of chairs and umbrellas just waiting for us to lounge around on all day in the peaceful tranquility. Or, um, not so much tranquility. See, when you pay for beach service you don't get to pick your spot - they just set up chairs and stick names on them. We were sandwiched in between a group of about 30 teens (boys & girls) who were very rowdy and the flipside was a quartet of old bitches smoking like chimneys. Guess who we were downwind from? That was $115 of well spent money. To top it all off, when we went to the beach for the afternoon only we get there to find a pair of fat ass men sitting in our chairs (clearly labeled) and they were dripping wet. We walked up and stated that the chairs were ours, and the bastard is like "oh, yeah man, here ya go". He hops up and pretends to not notice that we are in clothes, not swim suits and can now not use the chairs that WE PAID FOR because of his sagging, dripping wet ass has covered them in water, sweat and sun oil. STUPID FUCKER! I absolutely HATE people who show no respect for others.

The teenagers topped off the lameness by accidentally letting their volleyball get away from them. The ball was rolling fast down the beach and totally smacked a lady sleeping in the sun right in the face. It scared her half to death and clearly hurt. The teens, instead of taking the high road and apologizing for a very clear ACCIDENT, scattered like cockroaches in the light. By the time the lady lifted her head they were all sitting in chairs, laying on towels or frolicking in the surf as if they had never played volleyball in their lives. COWARDS. DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE SHITS. I loved the fact that the lady then decided that if they were not going to own up to it she was going to keep the volleyball. She promptly placed it under her head as a pillow. I love it!!

More stupid people followed by the droves, but my favorite by far was at the Goodwill store in Santa Rosa Beach. As we were searching the shelves for used books to read on the beach I noticed a girl walking around in a bright yellow shirt with black lettering. The lettering appeared to have been spray painted on and said "GOD HATES YOU SINNERS". This was on the back. She then turned and I caught the front, "REPENT OR BURN IN HELL". Lovely. She definately got her point across. The BEST PART was her car which we found as we left the store. I had to take pictures, and the photo of the driver's door is not totally clear as I realized that someone was sitting in the car and I then began to fear for my life that I might be thought a WHOREMONGER and burned at the stake.

The driver's door says "Donations Accepted, give money to driver" (uh, yeah, right) - "10% Tithe Your Pastor Lied". The side doors say "REPENT or BURN in HELL the ???, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, WHOREMONGERS, ???, ??? and ALL LIARS shall have their part in the LAKE of FIRE". Then we go on to find out that God HATES Muslims, gays, the KKK and *gasp* SANTA CLAUS......

We laughed as we took the photos of how outrageous and radical this type of witness is, but really it is scary to know that there are people like this in the world. They are creating more hatred and harm.

It was very clear by the reactions of others in the parking lot that the message they are *trying* to convey is getting very lost in the extreme delivery. I give them credit for having the conviction to so openly display their belief, but I'd be willing to bet that more people are turned off by this display. People never cease to shock me and it just reminds me that it "takes all kinds". I find it hard to believe that living a life feeling hated by God can be fulfilling. Aren't we all sinners? No human can be perfect or divine, therefore, if God hates sinners, he hates us all. What a sad existence.

And to cleanse your palette of the rant I just posted, here are some pictures of my cute kids on the beach. This is what is washes away all the rage of the stupid people in the world...