Thursday, August 28, 2008


I broke my iPhone, I'm inconsolable. Totally cracked screen. Fuuuuuuuuuudge!

I guess this will be somewhat like quitting smoking (or something) because I'm likely going to have to go cold turkey with NO ACCESS while this mother gets repaired. Oh the humanity! Prepare for me to be bitchy.....OH, WAIT, no, don't prepare, because I won't have Twitter to complain to. God help my husband.

I have a Genius Bar appt. on Friday. Any Geniuses got any advice on how to get this repaired for free? I am within one year.....fingers crossed.

Oh who am I kidding, I'm hosed.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Split Decision

On one hand I could blog about the babysitting experience I had. I survived, though I do have photos to prove that even after my miniature clean sweep the kid still found some small stuff and, yes, she ate it. Nothing swallowed. Crisis averted.

On the other hand, I could blog about blogging. And since blogging about kids tags you as a mommy blogger and will pretty much render you a bore in the blogosphere, I suppose that I should chose to blog about blogging. Can I type the word blog, just one more time?

Why do I blog? Honestly, I'm not completely sure. I don't enjoy writing, which seems to be the biggest reason for blogging - all the hopeful writers in anticipation that some big publication will notice them or that a book deal would fall in their lap. Definately not me. Others blog to get it all out, I can relate to that. The downfall is that in getting it all out in a public forum, you should probably know a bit about writing coherently. Again, not so much me. Some blog strictly in order to keep family and friends updated on the happenings of their lives. Still, not me. In fact, there is no one in my family that reads my blog. Not because they don't care, but because they just don't know about it. No, I don't have anything to hide really, but I just don't have the type of relationship with my family where I want them to read my thoughts. So, WHY? Why do I blog?

I started blogging a little over a year ago, and I've never been consistent. I've also not had many readers. Well, not many comments. I don't follow stats or anything, so I have no idea if anyone is reading this or not. I had hoped to meet some people through my blog. And I have met some wonderful people and had a lot of fun. It definately takes a new twist when you go on a trip and have someone to meet at the other end, someone that you would have otherwise never have known. That, in itself, is phenomenal. I read a ton of blogs, and I comment here and there, but I find it hard to call people friends when they don't know anything about me. I guess it is a lot of onesidedness? Is that the word? I read yours, but you don't read mine - how can you know anything about me? And I'm not complaining, it's not that anyone is rude or exclusive or anything like that, but I have this feeling like I'm back in high school and on the outside looking in. I feel like I know all of these people out there, but then you start to wonder if anyone would notice if you weren't there. KWIM?

I'm not trolling, but I guess I'm just envious that so many people have found others to "click" with in the blogosphere. I know for a fact that if I attended any event, meet up, whatever, that everyone is welcome and that there is not a cool crowd. I get it, most people are past that nonsense. But how many social relationships can one attend to? If you meet someone who already has 1,000 blogs to read and 4,000 emails a day where do you fit in? It's like joining in on a business at the bottom, everyone knows everyone (so it seems) and you are on the edge, interacting, contributing, playing a part, but does anyone really know you're there?

I guess it comes with time, that the more you read, the more you meet, the better chance you have of finding people that you click with. I love it when someone I read has multitudes of comments and lots of interaction with readers, I also then wonder how on earth they have the time to respond to all of those comments! I'm grateful in a way that I have a small amount of comments, that I can then read their blogs and feel like I know what is going on in their world. So, to answer my own question....Why do I blog? I want to meet new friends. I've connected with a very few bloggers on a more personal level and I am so grateful to know them. I don't have a lot of real life friends. Not because I'm a loser, but because I'm a loner. I have spent the better part of my life preferring to be alone. I'm getting past that. I want to meet people, I want to know people and I want people to know me.

I think a lot of folks go through this, because I've read people that say "I have not blogged in 2 months and no one even bothered to email me and see if I were still breathing!". I can totally relate. It's a cyberworld and you just can't see where people's heads are. You also are 1 in a crowd of millions, of course you can be overlooked and forgotten. Especially if you don't have anyone that you correspond with regularly. I think that is why it is so easy to feel like you aren't "in". So, I have no solution to fitting in with the blogosphere. I will continue to read others and I hope that others will continue to read me and perhaps, one day, some of us will connect in a way that is unique and I will know that if I were gone that I would be missed!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Death by Snapple

So I'm all set to watch my friend's kids for her tomorrow. She has two children, under the age of 3. Yes, please hold the applause, I am a saint, how nice of you to notice.

I've been perusing my house today, trying to get it somewhat "safe" for these little monsters, er, um, angels. This is no easy task. My kids are 7 and 11 and we are well past the years of eating things. Plus, by the time the second one rolled around it was just easier to keep her up on a shelf, than to try to wrangle all of the teeny tiny toys out of her reach. I'd say it has been a good 9 years since my house would have been considered "safe" for children that eat stuff. And, of course, as the years have rolled by, the house continues to be more of a hazard with each passing birthday, holiday or run of the mill trip to Target. My kids have a lot of stuff. NO, I am not proud of it, but we do have a good time around here. Some of the best stuff we have is miniature. I will admit, I have been a fan of the mini-stuff since disco was cool. If it is teeny, I want it.

Polly Pocket is one of our favorite friends. Even though my youngest is a die hard TomBOY, she still loves Polly Pocket. She can totally forgive the pinkness of the car when "MOM, you can totally switch out these rims!".....'cuz you know, Polly is all down wit it and she likes to pimp her ride like the bizzles in the hood. We also have Tech Deck skateboards for Polly, cuz when her ragtop is stopped it is all about the halfpipe mctwist. For those of you not in the know, a Tech Deck is a miniature skateboard in which you can switch out the wheels with a microscopic screwdriver - dude, mini-tools!! And Polly Pocket is a doll that wears rubber stilettos that measure about 2mm in length. I've attached a visual, with a penny included, so that you can see the scale.
Snapple - pink lemonade chokiness, followed by MiniPig (not to be mistaken for SpiderPig), Poker Chips (apparently Polly has been hitting Harrah's), In the very middle - no, not a donut - a Tech Deck Wheel (the other 3 probably eaten by a cat), just to the right is Polly's Protein Smoothie and a bottle of ketchup.

This collection is just a small representation of what I found just aimlessly floating around in couch cushions, under tables, on the bathroom counter...... This shows you why this woman should fear for her children's lives. Besides Polly Pocket we have alligators, seahorses, dog bones, paintbrushes, balloons, clear flat marble thingies, mini icecream AND suntan lotion. I mean, we are totally prepared for mad negotiations when there is hostile takeover from Lilliput and Blefuscu.

I've also managed to round up most of the Fisher Price population from the 70's. We love these little guys, but they are banned in the real world. We are sort of an underground railroad 'station' for these plastic people. We try to free them from disposal whenever possible. Poor guys are just misunderstood......yes, they all have faces, but some were afraid of possible identification and looked away.

So, I've scooped up as much dangerous stuff as possible and I've been moving things to higher ground. My house now appears to have 9 foot tall inhabitants and toll booths at all points of electricity. However, should you hear of a small child in the Atlanta area having complications from eating catfood, please send bail. If I move the catfood, the cats will start eating me. That one is just not negotiable.

Thursday, August 14, 2008


Are you green? I am, well, at least I try to be. I make mistakes ALL the time and I do get lazy - I sometimes dream of burying a peanut butter jar in the garbage just so I don't have to wash it out. But I do try. I try for my kids, because the green issue will only get bigger as their lives go on and I feel it will be much easier for them if being green is just a way of life. Plus, it's just a nice thing to do for this beautiful resource we have, I mean really, the earth is amazing....why not take care of it? I am in awe everytime I open my front door. I am surrounded by lush green trees and wildlife - and I'm sandwiched right in the middle of chaos! There are developers that would likely give me their first born if we would give up this land, but it would kill me to see this place plowed over. This is the view from my front door, just a few days ago.

Back to plastic, though. As a part of my green initiative I try to remember to always take my own bags to the store. I have these funky bags called Envirosax that are cute and portable and I love them. Unlike the bags that the markets try to sell to you, these bags will completely fold/roll up. The market bags have a hard bottom and will stand freely, but they are bulky.

Today at the food market, I remembered my Envirosax. As I got to the check out I sent the bags down first, then began to unload the food. The cashier sighed heavily to the bagger, "OH WAIT, YOU HAVE TO USE HER BAGS!" This clearly did not make either of them happy. "Oh and here's some more, oh, wait here's ANOTHER one" and she mumbled something I did not hear. Her tone was definately annoyed.

The bagger lady then proceeded to tell me that all that I had would not fit into my bags, to which I replied to put anything extra in the cart, loose. I'll put it in my box in the car. Well, she did not like this idea one bit. "It needs a bag"....."No, thanks, I'd rather not take the plastic home".... "I need to bag these things"...."No, thanks, I'm fine with putting them loose into the cart"..... "That will be difficult for you, I'll just bag them"...."Uhhhm, NO, thanks, I don't want the plastic". The cashier then gets in on the conversation and says that the melons will be fine in a bag and so will all these other things and she shoves them in bags and ties them up, ...."no, really....." I start....., but I gave up. So my cart now has 4 plastic bags in it, that I asked NOT to receive. LUCKILY for these ladies, I was not up for a fight, I had just had a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich from my favorite place, and I was quite happy. So I let it go.

Until I got home. Now I am just mad. It seems that whilst I was busy unloading my cart, the bagging lady was putting things into plastic bags and THEN putting them into my Envirosax. I came home to each of my Envirosax housing 2 plastic bags of groceries. Beyotch! Either these ladies are bitches or just stupid. I can't figure it out. Perhaps, they are so stupid that they don't understand the concept, however, I repeatedly asked that no plastic be used. I don't think I could have made myself any clearer.

The problem with this, is that it is not the first time. It seems that a majority of the places I go are not at all happy that I have brought my own bags in. In fact, many people are just down right rude about doing something out of the regularly scheduled program. In Walmart I said no thanks to the plastic, I said something like "I'll use my own bag and save Walmart a penny" and the employee jerked out the plastic bag anyway and said that "Walmart can afford an extra bag", and she was rather snippish about it. Newsflash lady, if you don't respect your employer, work somewhere else!!

In other places I've had employees INSIST that I take a bag or to try to sway me from my Envirosax decision by telling me that I'll be stopped at the exit to be checked. I've also seen an employee pull out a plastic bag and when I state that I have my own bag, they toss the UNUSED bag into the trash.

It just kills me how uneducated and self centered people are. I am so sick and tired of people that act as if they are the only thing that matters on earth. How can you possibly walk around and not give a rat's ass about what is around you? Seriously, it stems way far beyond plastic and trash, it's just attitude. People and their SHIT attitudes, I'd like to put some plastic bags over some heads, that's what.

Monday, August 11, 2008


I'm all alone - at LAST!

Everyone is off to school or work, and while I should be working at a feverish pace in order to catch up....I'm NOT! The world can wait....

I had my usual August thru May breakfast today - sandwich crust. I made the required amount of sandwiches this morning and, of course, the crust must be cut off. I'm a waste not kind of girl so during the nine months of school imprisonment I usually have sandwich crust for breakfast. I hope my mom was right - during my entire childhood she refused to cut off the sandwich crust for me insisting that the crust contained the most vitamins. I should be more powerful than a locomotive, very soon.

So, tell me, what are the odds that you would be in need of a quart of Disney's Alien Green interior paint, which costs about $15.00, and you walk into Home Depot and there sits a quart of Disney's Alien Green paint on the OOPS pile, in a quart size, for $1.00? If you are me, the odds are pretty good because that is just what happened to me. I was so happy I almost kissed the paint guy. I mean, really, ALIEN Green? In a Quart, no less? That was just so lucky it was unbelievable. I love it when I get a great deal. Now, what could I possibly be painting in Alien Green, you say? I'll keep you guessing, because I'm not finished yet and I hope it turns out good. I'm not a painter, but apparently they will give anyone paint so I'm trying something new.

I'm off to be alone, please go away.....and no, I will not be in my panties - you people and your nakedness, gaaaahh...

Saturday, August 9, 2008


Whew - I'm back from the grocery store. I know you were just sitting on pins and needles while I was away......

I set out today to make my life easier for the first two weeks of school. You know, the adjustment I am going to have to make to getting up at dawn's asscrack to shuffle these little people out of my house, yanno, so that I don't have to slam down the laptop screen while reading those bloggers who post with NO PANTS and NO WARNING. Anyway, back to this adjustment period where I no longer get to sleep in on a daily basis...

I am not a morning person and, truth be told, I would rather that you just not speak to me at all. Hand motions are fine, talking amongst yourselves - perfect, but PLEASE just do not ask me any questions at dark o'thirty, okay? If you can't figure it out, just do something, anything and hope for the best.

The start of school means that, yes, I have to start getting up early. It also means that I have to pack lunch, at breakfast time, while 3 people are invading my kitchen space and likely dripping syrup on the cat. I do not like to have other people in the kitchen with me, I also do not like to get up early (did I mention that?) and so to be up early with people under my feet just pisses me off. Oh, and the cats, the god forsaken cats that LAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE KITCHEN FLOOR OH MY GOD! No matter how many times I have tripped over or stepped on a cat, the frickin' nimrod still lay in the dead center of the kitchen. Oh, yes, and he only does it when people are in there. You know, he is social like that. The other cat, god help her, just screams until each and every human being awake has filled her bowl at least once, but preferrably twice. See, she's a grazer and must eat in multiple courses.

Where was I? Oh, yes, the grocery store. I went today in order to make this transition to PTA mom a bit easier. We are normally a recycling, reducing, reusing family. Though it causes mulitudes of aggression due to the piling up of plastic and whatnot, along with about 14 bazillion tupperware containers, we try the best we can to not buy prepackaged, individual servings of foods. Today was not a good day for the earth. This family purchased $169 of prepackaged, individual servings of food to shove into lunchboxes - all likely to be traded for HoHo's. My pantry, oh my pantry, it looks like a convenience store and the kids set it up all neat and organized so they can "shop the shelf". I think I may like to sleep in the pantry tonight and just graze on all the lovely little portion sized bags, lined up and happy. So the first two weeks of school shall go effortlessly, I hope, and the kids can just open the pantry and pack their own lunch! It will be back to reality once all this stuff runs out. Not only do I care enough about the earth to not buy this much packaging, it is also EXPENSIVE, holy cow! The total today just about made me puke because, people, we did not even get any dinner on this trip!! This total was purely about crackers, pretzels, cookies, cheeses, and the ever important Pirate Booty. Ok, yes, there was wine, but that is kind of a given. I mean really, we do have kids and how else do you expect us to cope?

So, if you need some lunch, just give me a holler. I've got Ritz Smiley Crackers in some cute little red bags that will knock your socks off.

Thursday, August 7, 2008


We have a lot of cereal. Mostly because cereal is the main food group for my 7 year old. Since the age of 6 months and the discovery of Cheerios she has not once ever looked back. The child loves cereal. On average, my child eats cereal 3 times a day, no lie. Ask her what she wants for dinner and invariably the answer is, "hmmm, uhmmmm, OH, CEREAL!".

At the moment, however, the bulk of my cereal supply is not of the Cheerio-Rice Krispie variety. It is of Special K - see we parental units are trying to stick around a few years to see these kids off to college. This longevity requires that we stop eating bacon morningnoonandnight. :( Therefore, we have invested a small fortune in Special K of every variety, except bacon, because they don't make Special K with Bacon Bits. I also found Special K of every variety on BOGO. For those of you who are not Piggly Wiggly savvy that is Buy One Get One - FREE! And what could be better than free cereal? Maybe free bacon......

So we have all this cereal and my wonderful significant other, who likes to complain, but who is SUPPOSED TO BE on a complaining vacation feels that the Red Berries are hard. And instead of just thinking it in your head and then eating, say Cinnamon Pecan next time, he MUST voice how stupid it is to add hard fruit to a bowl of cereal. I mean really, if it isn't going to soften up, why bother???? Stupid Cereal CEO's and your evil plot to destroy teeth! I'd like to point out to him that the Red Berries do, in fact, get very soft in the cereal if you give the milk, oh say, 20 seconds to do it's thing. But apparently the man inhales the cereal before said berries have any opportunity to soak up some fun.

This complaining man, who is SUPPOSED TO BE not complaining, also thinks that the Yogurt and Fruit variety sucks. And, shockingly, has announced to the world (being me) that the Yogurt and Fruit variety is basically dog shit and should be banned from earth, yanno, instead of just dumping it and going for, oh say, one of the other 14 boxes. Ahem.

I can tell you that I LOVE the Yogurt and Fruit variety of Special K - I find it YUMMY with both hard yogurt bits and soft fruit pieces. I also LOVE the Red Berries, which I find get all soft and sweet and make the milk all pinky like (and who can't appreciate pinkness?). And now, my friends, I am hungry. I shall get away from this god forsaken machine to go enjoy a bowl of fruity, yogurty goodness....and a piece or 4 of bacon. Do think it will cancel out?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008


It's time for school shopping around here. I remember how much I loved to get all my new back to school items when I was younger. Fresh new pencils, a brand new Trapper Keeper, the very cutest notebooks with kittens on them, the Smurf lunchbox, ahhhhhh. And don't even get me started on the smell of new clothing. I LOVED August. My kids, however, would rather send me out to get it all while they stay home to play. Sigh. My kids don't mind shopping so much, but they really don't have that many opinions on what they wear or which store it comes from - whew! - which makes my life much more affordable. Even my 11 year old, going to Middle School for the first time, said I could just go get her some cute stuff from Target - Hallelujah!! She is not picky at all. She also has no mind to match anything correctly, but that my friends is another post in itself.....

During our mall outing with friends yesterday, my oldest saw a cute shirt at Gap. It said "Little Miss Chatterbox", which I must agree, fits her to personality to a "T"! It was cute and I agreed to purchase it for her, seeing as how I picked out the rest of her school wardrobe. "It looks a bit, uhhhm, well, why don't you go try it on first?". And she happily skipped off to the fitting room with a size 12 shirt. A few minutes later she came back, without the shirt on. "It doesn't fit, not at all." Ok, I sent her back with a 16, because after I took a good look at the shirt I knew what was about to happen.
You see the picture of the shirt outline and then the shape of my child. This is not going to work, especially because the shirt is made of super thin, very taut cotton which is made to conform and hug the body. Even going up by 2 sizes, the shirt fits like a sausage stuffed into pantyhose. Or something, you can get your own visual. And at 2 sizes up we are at the largest shirt in the store and at a dead end.

What hurts me the most is that almost every store we go to, the pre-teen girl section is blanketed with shirts in just this shape - hourglass. This limits our selections greatly and it causes my daughter to say, "Oh, that shirt is for skinny girls" or "I'm too chubby for that." The last time I checked, most 11 year olds are pre-puberty meaning they are not shaped like an hour-glass. Hell, I'm almost menopausal and I've never been shaped like an hour-glass. My kid is on the far end of medium, a bit of a chubette, but she is not a plus sized gal. She is a pre-teen, encased in baby fat who will likely emerge into a medium sized build.

On the other end of the spectrum are the "skinny girls" who can wear these shirts. There are plenty of them, the girls who have started to take shape and don't have any chub to hide things that are beginning to pop out. I have a neice with this shape and I can tell you that she does NOT want to wear anything that will hug and conform to her body either.

It is just wrong, that my child is being made to believe that she is abnormal because people in the fashion industry design mainstream clothing with the intent to show off a body. These are little girls, trying to figure out what the hell is happening to them. They certainly don't need to worry about clothing that causes them to feel bad about themselves, or worse yet, to draw attention to the things that are freaking them out.

I can see the long road that my daughter has ahead of her in learning to accept her body. I can only guide her and hope for the best, but in this society I'm certain that she and many other girls of all shape and size, will have many more hurdles than victories in self acceptance.

Friday, August 1, 2008


My kids have been fighting over a typewriter for the past few days. It all started at an Antique Mall. My oldest found an ancient typewriter and thought it was so cool. I told her I had a typewriter, but I had given it to my grandmother. While Granny loves to type letters and such, she can't (or won't) grasp real technology and let me set her up with a PC. So she types.

Immediately upon leaving the Antique Mall my oldest is on the phone calling my Granny, about 5 hours later a typewriter (my old one from high school) is delivered to our front door. Squeals of delight emit and my oldest retreats to her room and locks us all out. All we hear is clicking for the next few hours......

When my child emerges with many, many pages of typed nothingness she proclaims, "THIS IS SOOOO COOOL!" And pronounces that any and all future letters, school work, etc. will be typed. I find this mildly amusing since we have 4 computers in our home, 2 on each floor, and in reality we mostly have 5 if you count hubby's work laptop. All of said PC's are wirelessly connected to our printer. This child has had countless opportunities to type her work over the years. This child is very well versed on using the PC and Microsoft Word, and yet an ancient typewriter is still "SOOOOO COOOOOL". This makes me want to vomit.

I explained to my child that typewriters are really backwards, considering all the technology that we have with word processors and the like. I told her all the reasons, but more importantly the lack of being able to correct your mistakes. She does not buy it, clearly I am stupid and she will be so careful that no mistakes will be made. Ha!

An hour later she runs into my room. "I was typing a story and I had NO mistakes and I was doing so good and then I left out a WHOLE paragraph! Can you fix it, Mom?" Oh, sweet justice, how stupid am I now?

I believe that my child has a new appreciation for the PC - at least I hope she does. It does strike me as funny, though, that she could have very well gone her entire lifetime not truly understanding how far we have come. She did not even know what a typewriter was before this incident.

In other news, I did some serious cooking yesterday. Face it, I'm southern and grief or sadness means I must feed someone. I spent yesterday morning cooking for my Grandmother so that while they are trying to digest the news of cancer they will have one less worry. I made 8 meals in one run.....

Pot Roast with mashed potatoes & gravy
Grilled Chicken with green beans
Taco Kit
Quesadilla Kit
2 Chicken Casseroles
Supreme Pizza
Baked Ravioli
Banana Pudding
Also - cornbread and biscuits to go with everything

So, if anyone is tired of cooking, just find a true southern woman and let her know you are suffering. Hot cornbread will surely be on your doorstep soon. I'm southern and I feed people.