Monday, August 18, 2008

Death by Snapple

So I'm all set to watch my friend's kids for her tomorrow. She has two children, under the age of 3. Yes, please hold the applause, I am a saint, how nice of you to notice.

I've been perusing my house today, trying to get it somewhat "safe" for these little monsters, er, um, angels. This is no easy task. My kids are 7 and 11 and we are well past the years of eating things. Plus, by the time the second one rolled around it was just easier to keep her up on a shelf, than to try to wrangle all of the teeny tiny toys out of her reach. I'd say it has been a good 9 years since my house would have been considered "safe" for children that eat stuff. And, of course, as the years have rolled by, the house continues to be more of a hazard with each passing birthday, holiday or run of the mill trip to Target. My kids have a lot of stuff. NO, I am not proud of it, but we do have a good time around here. Some of the best stuff we have is miniature. I will admit, I have been a fan of the mini-stuff since disco was cool. If it is teeny, I want it.

Polly Pocket is one of our favorite friends. Even though my youngest is a die hard TomBOY, she still loves Polly Pocket. She can totally forgive the pinkness of the car when "MOM, you can totally switch out these rims!".....'cuz you know, Polly is all down wit it and she likes to pimp her ride like the bizzles in the hood. We also have Tech Deck skateboards for Polly, cuz when her ragtop is stopped it is all about the halfpipe mctwist. For those of you not in the know, a Tech Deck is a miniature skateboard in which you can switch out the wheels with a microscopic screwdriver - dude, mini-tools!! And Polly Pocket is a doll that wears rubber stilettos that measure about 2mm in length. I've attached a visual, with a penny included, so that you can see the scale.
Snapple - pink lemonade chokiness, followed by MiniPig (not to be mistaken for SpiderPig), Poker Chips (apparently Polly has been hitting Harrah's), In the very middle - no, not a donut - a Tech Deck Wheel (the other 3 probably eaten by a cat), just to the right is Polly's Protein Smoothie and a bottle of ketchup.

This collection is just a small representation of what I found just aimlessly floating around in couch cushions, under tables, on the bathroom counter...... This shows you why this woman should fear for her children's lives. Besides Polly Pocket we have alligators, seahorses, dog bones, paintbrushes, balloons, clear flat marble thingies, mini icecream AND suntan lotion. I mean, we are totally prepared for mad negotiations when there is hostile takeover from Lilliput and Blefuscu.

I've also managed to round up most of the Fisher Price population from the 70's. We love these little guys, but they are banned in the real world. We are sort of an underground railroad 'station' for these plastic people. We try to free them from disposal whenever possible. Poor guys are just misunderstood......yes, they all have faces, but some were afraid of possible identification and looked away.

So, I've scooped up as much dangerous stuff as possible and I've been moving things to higher ground. My house now appears to have 9 foot tall inhabitants and toll booths at all points of electricity. However, should you hear of a small child in the Atlanta area having complications from eating catfood, please send bail. If I move the catfood, the cats will start eating me. That one is just not negotiable.