Split Decision

On one hand I could blog about the babysitting experience I had. I survived, though I do have photos to prove that even after my miniature clean sweep the kid still found some small stuff and, yes, she ate it. Nothing swallowed. Crisis averted.

On the other hand, I could blog about blogging. And since blogging about kids tags you as a mommy blogger and will pretty much render you a bore in the blogosphere, I suppose that I should chose to blog about blogging. Can I type the word blog, just one more time?

Why do I blog? Honestly, I'm not completely sure. I don't enjoy writing, which seems to be the biggest reason for blogging - all the hopeful writers in anticipation that some big publication will notice them or that a book deal would fall in their lap. Definately not me. Others blog to get it all out, I can relate to that. The downfall is that in getting it all out in a public forum, you should probably know a bit about writing coherently. Again, not so much me. Some blog strictly in order to keep family and friends updated on the happenings of their lives. Still, not me. In fact, there is no one in my family that reads my blog. Not because they don't care, but because they just don't know about it. No, I don't have anything to hide really, but I just don't have the type of relationship with my family where I want them to read my thoughts. So, WHY? Why do I blog?

I started blogging a little over a year ago, and I've never been consistent. I've also not had many readers. Well, not many comments. I don't follow stats or anything, so I have no idea if anyone is reading this or not. I had hoped to meet some people through my blog. And I have met some wonderful people and had a lot of fun. It definately takes a new twist when you go on a trip and have someone to meet at the other end, someone that you would have otherwise never have known. That, in itself, is phenomenal. I read a ton of blogs, and I comment here and there, but I find it hard to call people friends when they don't know anything about me. I guess it is a lot of onesidedness? Is that the word? I read yours, but you don't read mine - how can you know anything about me? And I'm not complaining, it's not that anyone is rude or exclusive or anything like that, but I have this feeling like I'm back in high school and on the outside looking in. I feel like I know all of these people out there, but then you start to wonder if anyone would notice if you weren't there. KWIM?

I'm not trolling, but I guess I'm just envious that so many people have found others to "click" with in the blogosphere. I know for a fact that if I attended any event, meet up, whatever, that everyone is welcome and that there is not a cool crowd. I get it, most people are past that nonsense. But how many social relationships can one attend to? If you meet someone who already has 1,000 blogs to read and 4,000 emails a day where do you fit in? It's like joining in on a business at the bottom, everyone knows everyone (so it seems) and you are on the edge, interacting, contributing, playing a part, but does anyone really know you're there?

I guess it comes with time, that the more you read, the more you meet, the better chance you have of finding people that you click with. I love it when someone I read has multitudes of comments and lots of interaction with readers, I also then wonder how on earth they have the time to respond to all of those comments! I'm grateful in a way that I have a small amount of comments, that I can then read their blogs and feel like I know what is going on in their world. So, to answer my own question....Why do I blog? I want to meet new friends. I've connected with a very few bloggers on a more personal level and I am so grateful to know them. I don't have a lot of real life friends. Not because I'm a loser, but because I'm a loner. I have spent the better part of my life preferring to be alone. I'm getting past that. I want to meet people, I want to know people and I want people to know me.

I think a lot of folks go through this, because I've read people that say "I have not blogged in 2 months and no one even bothered to email me and see if I were still breathing!". I can totally relate. It's a cyberworld and you just can't see where people's heads are. You also are 1 in a crowd of millions, of course you can be overlooked and forgotten. Especially if you don't have anyone that you correspond with regularly. I think that is why it is so easy to feel like you aren't "in". So, I have no solution to fitting in with the blogosphere. I will continue to read others and I hope that others will continue to read me and perhaps, one day, some of us will connect in a way that is unique and I will know that if I were gone that I would be missed!