Thursday, August 30, 2007


I had a dream about my blog last night. I logged on and had 7o comments - not sure which post it was, but 70!! BUT then I was upset in my dream that I had so many comments and that I had no time to repond to them. I don't know if it is wishful thinking or thankfulness that I have very few visitors. Either way the dream went downhill from there.

At some point Kevin and I were on a trip and we had to sleep in a drawer. Yes, a drawer (thank you Jerry Seinfeld). While in the drawer we could not figure out a good position to get it on due to the drawer being full of spoons and cramped, after all it is a DRAWER. There, I said it all out loud. Now, please feel free to tell me what you think my subconscious problem is.

My first thought is that our bed is too small? No, we have a king.

I want to spoon with Kevin? No, he's way too hot for that (body heat, not deliciousness, but yet he is very delicious)

I want a vacation? YES, absolutely, but I don't think that is the root here, I'm leaving for San Fran in a week.

I need to get laid? Well, that currently is not a problem for me.

I want new furniture? MAYBE, I want new furniture, but if I get new furniture then things will probably get ugly between me and Kevin because a) he hates to spend money. b) he hates to spend money. c) he hates to spend money. d) all of the above.

The spoon drawer is empty and I wish someone would wash the dishes? NO, Kevin did the dishes.

I'm at a loss, but it is most likely that I just watch too much TV, is that possible??

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Pleasantly Surprised

As much bitching as I've been doing, I actually have something pleasant to report. We returned to the American Girl store this past weekend and there was ZERO wait. The store was not even that crowded! I was in total shock, which allowed my children to take full on advantage of my wallet.

We went to the store at 7:30 pm on a Saturday and it was perfect! I was even massaged into the idea of letting one of the dolls get a massage & facial. We were also able to pop right into the bistro which is located inside the store and sit at the counter for milkshakes and smoothies. They normally take reservations only, but the counter was empty and they were in the process of closing. Since we were only getting dessert they let us go right in and we were attended to quite well.

The bistro decor is so pretty. It is very different from the restaurant in Chicago. Of course the main color is PINK, but it has nice high backed striped seating with pink, yellow and magenta and then the lighting was my absolute favorite! Above the dessert counter there are small faceted lights against a white trimmed out ceiling. It creates this brilliant gathering of sunbursts and it was beautiful. The faceted light covers reminded me of the doorknobs in my great grandmother's home.

Another really cool lighting display was above a table for a larger party. It was oversized pink flower petals with silver accents and bright bulbs. It was SO girlie, but I would love to have it. It was just beautiful.

So, while Karma should have kept me away from this place for many, many moons in relation to my previous ranting post, I was allowed to go and was SO pleasantly surprised. And they had beautiful CAKE, and I love CAKE!!

I made a stranger let me take a picture of their cake because it is reserved for birthday parties only, so the kick in the butt is that I could not have any cake. Though the girl may have given me a bite of hers, she only wanted the chocolate half. Of course, I'm now accepting donations for groceries because we spent all our money on more important stuff...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Step Up

I'm a Girl Scout Leader. Not because it has been my life long dream, but it is because my girl wants to be a Girl Scout and the fact that there are not enough volunteers the only sure way of getting a kid in a troop is to be a volunteer. However, I've been a leader for 2 years now and I have come to really like doing it - short from things that aren't related to the girls. I really do love all the girls I work with, it is harder for some, but I love them all.

I started out my first year with girls from 2nd & 3rd grade. I wanted to have only 3rd (my kids age), but was talked into taking some other girls that were siblings or otherwise had meeting time issues that only our troop could meet. It was a good year.

My second year was when we became Junior level scouts. There was already a Junior level troop meeting at the same time and place we were and I was asked into inheriting that entire troop along with my girls who were moving up. My first inquiry was to the number of girls I would inherit. There were 6 which was manageable with the 6 I was bringing along. A group of 12. As the weeks went on the 6 to inherit somehow became more because of those who said they were not returning and then changed their minds, etc. I did not feel completely comfortable with the numbers, but these girls were previously in the troop and I felt like they would be shafted if not allowed to continue on. The group of 12 quickly turned into 15, and then before I knew it there were 17 girls in the troop. The age range was also insane, the girls were from 3rd grade up to 6th grade ages.

The icing on the cake was that I was pursuaded to take a lot of this on with the condition that there would be a Kindergarten troop for my little one at the same time I was working with the older girls. This never materialized and so the Kindergarteners of me and my co-leader were left out completely with no troop, but had some very high hopes of being in GS. So we then had 17 older girls and our 2 littles hanging out for a total of 19 girls. TOO MUCH!!

We managed to have a good year and we even took the entire group to Gatlinburg, TN for an overnight inside the aquarium. We had fun and I gave it my all. In the meantime my daughter in the Junior level did not particularly like the large troop and the varied ages. It was definately divided and though I tried to dissolve the clicks it was just natural for the olders to gravitate away from the youngers, etc. I told her that we would make the best of the year and see if we could make some changes. In short, we worked with what we had and made the best of it.

This year I've left that troop and hooked up with another leader who's co-lead was leaving and they have a troop of girls all the same age. The troop is limited to 10 girls. Waa HOO! The perfect situation for us. There were spots available so I asked the girls in my older, bigger troop who fit the age requirement if they wanted to come along. Some did. I also tried to make sure that the troop I was leaving had some ideas for a new leader. I did not want any girls left hanging out there and feeling deserted.

I feel like I did the best I could and now I'm getting raked through the mud by the GS leadership and made to feel as if I've done something wrong by 'deserting' the big troop. We also have parents that want to get their girls into our troop and don't understand why we set our limit at 10. Why have the experience if you can't enjoy it? Why don't you start your own troop for your girls? Hey, did you notice that my co-leads mom is terminally ill in Canada and she may have to leave for an extended period of time at the drop of a hat? You bitches just don't care about us or what our lives are like, you just want us to take your kids. You think you are too busy to lead, well if you gave a rat's ass about other people you would see that we are all busy, but it is an effort - an effort I am willing to make for my kid.

The last time I checked I was a volunteer, don't tell me I should shelve my kids needs for yours. The last time I checked the GS will let ANYONE (with a clean background) be a leader and they will train you and show you exactly what to do. The last time I checked each and every girl from the troop I left had a mom or a dad or both who could be a leader, but just didn't want to. WHY am I a bad person here? I took your kids once a week for a year and never asked anything in return. I took your kids away for a weekend and we all had fun. Guess what? My kid wants a different GS experience and I can give it to her so KISS MY ASS!! These people expect me to stay where I am because of the other girls in the troop. So I guess I should just tell my kid that in her NEXT childhood we will do it the way it is intended. I guess I should tell my kid that I'm sorry I can't be her mom because I have to be the mom for these other people's kids.

These parents kill me. They have kids and then spend the rest of their lives looking for a place to dump the kid so they can go to Starbucks. I have run into this in almost every area of activity for my kids. I always volunteer to lead or assist and there are always the assholes that drop their kids and run. They always have sorry ass excuses that they can't lead because they don't know how, or they don't know the sport. I am living proof that anyone can do it. I don't play sports, don't watch (except TOM BRADY, I mean, except football) and I know nothing. But I have been a soccer coach. I've never watched a soccer game in my life and I know nothing about the game, but my kid wanted to play and there was no coach, so I did it. And I learned and we actually won some games. It's an effort and I'm so sick of dumbasses that give no effort to their kids. I applaud the parents who are there, doing what they can so our kids can play and they get no thanks, only critical advice of what they could have done. I've actually heard asswipes talking about how they would have done it better, BUT THEY DIDN'T, they DID NOTHING. And I hope their kid gives them hell for the rest of their lives.

I'm all about helping out kids that need it, but for the bunch of 2 parent, 2 income families in this area who are too busy to get involved they can all just SUCK IT!

Monday, August 20, 2007


Does this look bad to you?

It's our new American Girl store that opened over the weekend. It's a store full of dolls and doll clothes and a restaurant and a doll spa. Yes, a doll spa. This is one of four (I think) stores across the US - a very popular place for girls from 4-12ish. The other stores I know of are located in Chicago, New York and LA. So this is a big deal seeing as how it is RIGHTHERE in North Georgia. It was also, apparently, a big deal for girls from most of our neighboring states.

We decided to go, even though it was opening weekend. I prepared Kevin, "Honey, just know right now that it is going to be chaos plus thousands of girls. Be prepared now to keep your cool. The stuff costs a butt load of money and I'm going to let the kids pick something out, so just keep it under your hat for a while, PLEASE. Mentally, prepare, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE..." I'm begging as we drive there, because patience is not a trait of this man. Crowded places and overpriced toys are also not things to make him go to his happy place - well, unless they are ELECTRONIC toys, and are for HIM.

We see the line outside as we approach (see the photo) which I think this doesn't look so bad. I'm stunned that there is a line just to get in the store, but I'll go with it. Perhaps it will mean a less crowded in-store experience if they are limiting the numbers in. So we go into the mall and get Kevin a pretzel to ease the pain.

Then, we realize - the line is snaking through the mall, what we see in this photo is the end of a THREE to FOUR HOUR WAIT. What the F*^K? Are you kidding me? Now, I am the one who has lost all sense of patience and demeanor. These f*^ktards are waiting for over three hours to go into a store to BUY OVERPRICED toys. I'm dumbfounded. And everyone in the line is HAPPY and EXCITED and clearly all the dads must be sedated. I'm thinking that I've succombed to the idiocy of the world just by agreeing to allow my children to go to this place, and then I've pushed the envelope by agreeing to purchase them something, THEN I actually agreed to WAIT to go in, when I thought that it would be 15 minutes or so, but THREE to FOUR HOURS?! Where do you draw the line? At what point do you turn from just an idiot like me into a full blown cheerleader mom zombie?

Now, I'm sure that there are people who see me as the zombie for even attempting to go on opening weekend. But I wore my ZOMBIES ATE MY BRAIN shirt, so at least I had an excuse. There's a freak level for everyone, but I am proud that my kids were not upset that I refused to wait. They even thought it was crazy and are completely willing to wait until the hype dies down. But will it?? The Chicago store has been open for years and we went there last summer, and it was INSANELY crowded. We did not have to wait to get in, but good grief it was almost un-movable in there. We were in Chi for a week and we tried almost everyday to catch the place not so crowded and it never happened. And being that we had no clue that we were ever going to get our very own store, I allowed my child to schedule an appt. at the doll spa. And I walked the streets of Chi in the heatwave of 2006, sweating while I waited for the doll who was getting her hair done and having a facial. And I was not getting a facial of my own. And then I happily took my children back to pick up the doll and I PAID for the hair and facial day at the spa. And I know that someone saw me do it, and thought to themselves - what kind of f*^ktard...

So, we didn't get to go in the store, but we saw a little bit through the windows and the crowds and we hope to go back, someday and spend a small fortune on the bare necessities. Because you know, every dog that belongs to a doll needs a flower shaped cone for his head when he gets hurt. It just makes good sense.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Uniqueness and a moral

This is one of my absolute favorite family of trees, ever.

Every day for the past 20 years I have loved these trees. I do not think I have ever once passed them by without acknowledging either aloud or to myself how much I adore them.
WHY? Because every fall these ordinary green trees make me happy by showing their colors...

Every fall we are treated to a rainbow of color from these four trees. It is truly amazing that they are all the same type, planted at the same time and cared for the same way, yet each one of them produces it's own shade of beauty and uniqueness.

This reminds me that while I have two kids who are of the same type, same genetics, born at the same time of the year, cared for and raised by the same parents, they, too will produce each their own brand of beauty and uniqueness. And I shall love their differences and celebrate their own unique styles. And I shall be a good mama, and stop thinking that the green would be happier if she acted a little more like yellow or that red would be better off seeing a little orange in her style. And I should express to them daily how much I adore them, even when they show their colors. Colors which do not make me happy.

And there is my fine interpretation of the semblance of kids and trees. And the moral of the story is that if you turn out to be green, instead of orange, you can't really blame it all on your roots.

But, really, is this little tree family not the MOST beautiful? I am SO SO SO looking forward to October.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Long Enough to Choke You

if you are my lawn and someone is trying to mow you, that is. Our grass was REALLY tall, tall enough to choke the mower and I decided to take care of it. AND there is no bag collection on the mower. AND now there are huge mounds of grass that need to be raked. AND it is 100 degrees here. OH happy day.

In my house of "feministic, but not really that much", well we don't have any set jobs. The grass is not his and the dishes are not mine. What this amounts to is that both of our lazy asses lay around and wait to see how long something can go before the other one of us takes care of it. It is a plan of genius, really it is.

So, I set out to mow. Before doing this I got the kids situated in the pool, cool and happy. I can see the pool while I mow so I can work and watch at the same time. About 10 seconds into the job I'm sweating profusely - it is literally 100 degrees out. So about halfway through the job my husband comes out from the A/C and offers to finish the job. I wave him off. I'm here, I'm hot, I might as well finish it. The hotness is then taking over and I think to myself that I would not be here if it weren't for my feministic ideal ways, but I try to think of the bigger picture. Then the walls come crashing down as I watch my husband canonball into the pool with the kids. They are all happy, splashing smiles of coolness and I'm sputtering, choking and hazy eyed while making puddles of sweat in the 100 degree heat. The longer I mow the jungle, the more enraged I become. On my last sweep past the pool I scream out JERKASS!! to him - which my kids mistakenly think I want a juice box. Uhhmm, not likely unless Jack has taken the Lynchburg Lemonade to box form. Ahem. I think, what kind of sadistic jerkwad man would allow his delicate flower of a wife to mow the lawn in 100 DEGREE HEAT while he swims in a 62 degree pool!!?? And then I remember, OH YEAH, the kind of man who is married to a feministic, but not really that much, kind of girl who refuses to iron.

But, I know what you really want to know...Who did the dishes? Oh yeah, that was me, too. A plan of genius I tell you. I'm just not sure who the real genius is here...

Monday, August 13, 2007

New Arrival

Today is the first day of school. I have a 1st grader and a 5th grader. It should be easy, but it isn't. I want them to go, but I don't. And I REALLY did not want to get up this morning at 6 am.
I have a love hate relationship with public school. Yes, they take my children and allow me some time to sit on the couch and eat bon bons, but they also force me to get up 5 days a week at an ungodly hour. I think the rigid schedule is what gets me. I'm pretty laid back and I don't like to get into routines, so having a 5 day a week routine just makes me cranky. My kids, though, are very independant which makes a morning about 1000 times easier. I've groomed them well!!

The thing about today is that we have NEW CROCS!! This is an exciting thing!! Yes, it is, just go with it. The new ones that we have do not have the moveable strap, but more of a wet-suit-ish stretchy fabric around the ankle. Very comfortable! Obnoxious to look at! Very comfortable! Anyhoo, we went swimming last night before bed and little girl swam in her new Crocs. This morning the fabric area was still wet!! Not a happy start to a girl who wants to wear Crocs for the first day of school. This really disappoints me about this shoe we all love. It is so impracticle for a shoe designed for outdoorsy-wet-stuff to not dry quickly. Not even OVERNIGHT!! Helloooo - what are you people thinking!!
Well, I popped the lime green monsters in the dryer and they dried, but they also curled up. It all worked out finally, but I'm just baffled as to why this company would use this spongy water sucky material. Clearly if we were camping this would SUCK and my kid would have to wear cold, wet shoes in the morning. Whatever. I'll show those jerks - I'm gonna go buy another pair without spongy water sucky material!! ahem...

Do you like Crocs?

This is what our new Croc's look like. It's as if we've had a new baby.....aww, look at the cute little crocling...

Thursday, August 9, 2007


The following is what my 6 year old consumed in one 12 hour period. Orange soda, orange chicken, orange sherbet, orange carrots, orange cheese puffs, oranges and cheese. And the not photoblogged orange apple jack cereal for breakfast.

I fully expect her to look like this tomorrow...

That is, unless she returns this wonderful final day of summer with a steaming pile of orange vomit. Which is highly likely.

I tell you, there should be awards for parents as good as I am. Really, I amaze myself sometimes.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


The bridge collapse in Minnesota has me in a place that I never wanted to know existed. I've lived my life in fear of things falling while I'm on them. Not so much a fear as a morbid thought process of "what if" and how things would play out if said object fell and I was plummeting down. What would I think of? Would I devise a plan to cushion the fall? If I JUMP at just the right moment would it help? What MacGyver types of objects do I have with me that I can use to survive the rubble? So, I would not say I was afraid to cross bridges, but accutely aware that in movies, these things can fall.

I don't think I ever really thought it would happen to someone just driving along, minding their own business and BOOM, it's down. I've realized that I don't live, nor have I ever been in an area known for earthquakes, but I thought if ever I were to be in California I may have some mental issues. In an area that is earthquakey this could happen, but not from age, or rust, or whatever it was, somehow if nature causes it then it is meant to be. It's denial that I have. I have truly thought that this could not happen to me. Bridges are inspected and no DOT would ever allow us to drive on unsafe overpasses. Random little thoughts that someone is doing their job and doing it well so that I don't have to worry about bridges falling from the lack of structural integrity and more, lack of human intelligence. Silly me.

But now - NOW I KNOW. The harsh reality has hit home, the naive denial is over. Now I have fear of all things not on the ground. Street grates, overpasses, high decks, swings, sky lifts, ski lifts you name it. We did NOT go to the top of Stone Mountain this past weekend because I'm too much of a head case to get in the cable car, sky lift thingie. The very thing I have been in about a zillion times, but now I have a freakish fear that it will snap and drop. This bridge collapse comes riding on the tail of the cable snap at Six Flags which severed a girl's feet from her body. SEVERED. Did you hear that?? So not only might I fall from the cable car, I could lose some parts in the process because, after all, the thing is held up by CABLES. UNDER TENSION. Sheeesh.

Now, I'm a pretty practical girl and I even refused to let terrorists frighten me from flying, but this is not terrorism, it is stupidity of people and that scares the hell out of me. So I'll be flying to San Francisco on Sept. 11 of this year, and while the date crossed my mind it is out of reverence for those lost, not fear of those who caused it. But you can bet your sweet ass that I won't be stepping foot on the Golden Gate Bridge. Which is sad, because I've never been there before. I'll admire it from land and I'll try to convince those around me that while I am a head case, I'm a pretty nice head case.

Anybody out there in San Francisco??

Monday, August 6, 2007

Land of the Free

Have you been to Stone Mountain? I have. As a kid we lived really close to the mountain and my dad loved to run. About 3 nights a week we would go to Stone Mtn. after dinner so he could run. He would run around the mountain, up the mountain, near the mountain, you name it. We would take our bikes and try to keep up, but usually ended with us giving up and circling the parking lot.

As an adult we don't live really close to the mountain, but we've been a few times in the past few years. Showing our kids, checking out the new things, etc. Lots of amusement activities have been added over the years so there's a bigger draw for the kids.

We used our trip yesterday to do less "fun" and more history with our girls. They learned about the famous carving on the face of the mountain. I learned something new as well. The carving on the mountain is the largest high relief carving in the world. I never knew that it was actually that much larger than Rushmore. I've never been to Rushmore, but I had visions of it being much larger than our little carving. The funny thing is that the artist who did Rushmore started on Stone Mountain, but did not complete it. Years later instead of finishing what Gutzon Borglum started, they blasted it off and started anew. Speaking of our not so little carving you can see by my photos a bit of the scale. This is my six year old in the mouth of "Black Jack", General Lee's horse. Of course you can't actually get to the carving, but they had a life size reproduction of the lower horse jaw. (photo from my phone, ick.)

If I was all Dave-like I could have provided you with a nice depiction of how this pans out to an insert with lines and scale and whatnot. However, I'm not, so I'll just tell you. She is in the mouth of the horse in the front with it's head up. That may give you an idea of how big this carving really is. Unbelievable. The detail is incredible. Something funny is that while skilled artists began this work and vision, it was eventually completed by a stone mason with no artistic training or background.

In the evening we stayed for the Laser Show which they show on the carving. It would not photograph, but it is a cool show and set to some good music. Since my childhood this show has been about as country redneck as you can go when it comes to music. They have actually updated the song list to include everyone. They even threw in some 80's synth with Ray Lynch which made Kevin's ears perk up. The show is fun, but since the very beginnings of it the main focus is on the history of the south and pride in America. The final song is and will probably always be, God Bless the USA, by Lee Greenwood. No matter what you did during the day this show brings you back to the old south and the war that brought the north and south together. It also reminds us that we are indeed free and that freedom comes with a price. No matter what your stance is on the war of today, no matter how disgruntled you can feel towards our government, you can't help the rush of emotion and pride for our country and our soldiers. And you can't help, but to stop, for just a minute, and realize what we take for granted most days...our freedoms and those moms, dads, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters that are out there, doing what they can, so we can remain the land of the free.

Friday, August 3, 2007


I hate cords. Period. No question.

Clearly, opposites attract as this was hanging from the back of Kevin's entertainment center - one large lump of tangled up cords. Yes, that is Kevin's entertainment center because there is no way in hell I am claiming ownership of such a mess. We got a new TV and my job was to untangle the god awful mess because Kevin was already damning things and cats to hell while he managed to throw some pictures across the floor. Patience. Clearly, opposites attract.

Anyhoo, we have a sweet new plasma TV. If we can get it arranged by midnight the marriage might just survive.

Thursday, August 2, 2007


No matter what anyone tells you, believe me...Laser Hair Removal HURTS.

The spa that I go to offers a numbing cream which is quite expensive. Not to say that it's not worth almost any amount of money to escape the pain, I was certain that I could get a less expensive numbing cream. So I read up on the matter, found an item to look for and headed off to the pharmacy. Well, none of the pharmacies that I went to knew what in the world I was talking about. I clearly explained that I was undergoing laser hair removal and blah, blah, blah, but no one knew of this cream that I so desired. There was only one pharmacist that offered another solution.

Now, this pharmacist was a younger type of man, not the typical gray beard. I'd say he was in his 30's and very Enrique Suave looking. He listened to my dilemma and said, at first, that he had nothing. So I started to stroll the aisles and see if I could find anything that might work. Then a little female pharmacy worker came up to me and pulled me aside and began to whisper, "the pharmacist has thought of something that may help, it is in the family planning area", which at family planning she could barely get the words out. I was amused by the secrecy of the whole matter and I wanted to scream out - "OH, YOU MEAN PENIS CREAM!!??", but I did not.

It was just hilarious to me that in a medical related type of field these people were embarrassed to talk about 'family planning products'. Especially the pharmacist himself. I mean, he actually had to send a female over to me to suggest a great idea. Maybe he is all too familiar with the product, who knows. So I was off to the 'family planning area' to look at penis cream. There were several types of creams to numb the area, which as you boys know makes things last longer. While I was there for a different reason, it was quite intriging. For the most part, PENIS CREAM has about 8% numbing agent. So I continued to look around and I found a product for the relief of pain from BOILS. What is a boil? I don't know, but they must be quite painful as the BOIL CREAM has 20% of the same numbing agent as PENIS CREAM. Giggling I took a tube of both BOIL CREAM and PENIS CREAM up to the pharmacist and proceeded to ask questions about if the two might work the same way, only the BOIL CREAM should work much better. He did his best to help me, but clearly wanted to crawl under the counter. Grow up boys!!

With my BOIL CREAM in hand I was off. It worked quite well I might add. I have another treatment today and I've just covered myself in BOIL CREAM. It is thick and gooey and smells horrible, but I can't feel the friggin' laser beams so I love it. And I'm happy that I don't have to tell you that I just rubbed PENIS CREAM all over my legs. My fingers, though, are beginning to get a little num,fb, thwe stufgf is harwd to wawsh off...

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


I believe in Karma. I've been proven far too many times that if you make a bad choice you will pay for it.

Ya know, they've made a whole TV show about Karma - My Name is Earl. If it is on TV it must be true. It's a funny show and there is always a nice little moral lesson to it. I have not spent my life doing horrible things to other people, but I've had my fair share of moments of selfishness and greed when my very happiness was so much more important than that of anyone around me. This is a lesson I work on daily.

Yesterday, I made a bad choice. I chose not to work - I needed to work, I needed to deliver some jobs, pick up some new work and in general service some of my customers. I chose not to. What did I do with my morning? Nothing really. I read blogs, piddled around the house, in general, I did nothing. I had a meeting in the afternoon and then watched the kids swim. So today is the day to work, make deliveries, pick up more work, keep some customers happy, etc.

Oh SNAP - my car won't start.

Karma, I'd call you a bitch, but I'm already without a car so I won't push it. I can't wait for the phone to start ringing of people wondering where their product is.

So here I sit. Perhaps I should do something more productive than blog.