Monday, August 20, 2007


Does this look bad to you?

It's our new American Girl store that opened over the weekend. It's a store full of dolls and doll clothes and a restaurant and a doll spa. Yes, a doll spa. This is one of four (I think) stores across the US - a very popular place for girls from 4-12ish. The other stores I know of are located in Chicago, New York and LA. So this is a big deal seeing as how it is RIGHTHERE in North Georgia. It was also, apparently, a big deal for girls from most of our neighboring states.

We decided to go, even though it was opening weekend. I prepared Kevin, "Honey, just know right now that it is going to be chaos plus thousands of girls. Be prepared now to keep your cool. The stuff costs a butt load of money and I'm going to let the kids pick something out, so just keep it under your hat for a while, PLEASE. Mentally, prepare, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE..." I'm begging as we drive there, because patience is not a trait of this man. Crowded places and overpriced toys are also not things to make him go to his happy place - well, unless they are ELECTRONIC toys, and are for HIM.

We see the line outside as we approach (see the photo) which I think this doesn't look so bad. I'm stunned that there is a line just to get in the store, but I'll go with it. Perhaps it will mean a less crowded in-store experience if they are limiting the numbers in. So we go into the mall and get Kevin a pretzel to ease the pain.

Then, we realize - the line is snaking through the mall, what we see in this photo is the end of a THREE to FOUR HOUR WAIT. What the F*^K? Are you kidding me? Now, I am the one who has lost all sense of patience and demeanor. These f*^ktards are waiting for over three hours to go into a store to BUY OVERPRICED toys. I'm dumbfounded. And everyone in the line is HAPPY and EXCITED and clearly all the dads must be sedated. I'm thinking that I've succombed to the idiocy of the world just by agreeing to allow my children to go to this place, and then I've pushed the envelope by agreeing to purchase them something, THEN I actually agreed to WAIT to go in, when I thought that it would be 15 minutes or so, but THREE to FOUR HOURS?! Where do you draw the line? At what point do you turn from just an idiot like me into a full blown cheerleader mom zombie?

Now, I'm sure that there are people who see me as the zombie for even attempting to go on opening weekend. But I wore my ZOMBIES ATE MY BRAIN shirt, so at least I had an excuse. There's a freak level for everyone, but I am proud that my kids were not upset that I refused to wait. They even thought it was crazy and are completely willing to wait until the hype dies down. But will it?? The Chicago store has been open for years and we went there last summer, and it was INSANELY crowded. We did not have to wait to get in, but good grief it was almost un-movable in there. We were in Chi for a week and we tried almost everyday to catch the place not so crowded and it never happened. And being that we had no clue that we were ever going to get our very own store, I allowed my child to schedule an appt. at the doll spa. And I walked the streets of Chi in the heatwave of 2006, sweating while I waited for the doll who was getting her hair done and having a facial. And I was not getting a facial of my own. And then I happily took my children back to pick up the doll and I PAID for the hair and facial day at the spa. And I know that someone saw me do it, and thought to themselves - what kind of f*^ktard...

So, we didn't get to go in the store, but we saw a little bit through the windows and the crowds and we hope to go back, someday and spend a small fortune on the bare necessities. Because you know, every dog that belongs to a doll needs a flower shaped cone for his head when he gets hurt. It just makes good sense.