Wednesday, May 14, 2008


I'm a yearbook editor at my kids' school. It sounds very important, but it is glorified scrapbooking. Anyhoo, I created a book - 136 pages!! The book has been delivered and distributed to the kids and I am finally done with this 9 month long project. WHEW!!

I had a great idea - to let some of the kids design a few pages in the book. O.M.G. This was SO hard for me to let go and let them do it how they wanted to. I'm such a control FREAK. They chose horrendously loud backgrounds, hard to read fonts, terrible photos and BORING clipart. O.M.G. What was I thinking???? I tried hard to guide them positively and allow them their own creative freedom. I bit my tongue and held back my gasps as they threw unrelated clip art willy nilly all over a page. I believe I developed an ulcer over the entire process of letting go. And the book turned out GREAT. I am in utter disbelief that I was thisclose to changing some of their work to make it look better. Granted, it is NOT perfect, not even close. But the kids love it and as much as I thought the book would not flow, it really isn't that bad. It shows so many different perspectives. I am pleasantly surprised at how much I like the book.

This idea of letting something go is something I need to work on translating into my everyday life. I find myself taking on things in order to make sure that they are done right. Most of the time it would not really matter one way or the other. I continually judge and rank others on how they host an event or perform a task. I'm highly critical of anyone who is in charge of anything I attend - I surely could have remembered to bring an extension cord, MY GOD who goes camping without extension cords!!??.......I digress.

I don't think my problem is perfection, but rather preparedness. The absolute best complement my ever given me is when my child said "Mommy, you are the most prepared woman I know!" I think I could have hit the moon I was so high on that comment. I'm the one who has the matches, I'm the one with the knife/scissors, the sunscreen, the bandaids, the hats, the extra name it. When going somewhere I am definately PREPARED for the worst case scenario. Take a field trip for school - if I'm a chaperone I automatically assume that no less than 3 children will forget their sack lunch. Therefore I pack enough food for 15 people in my cooler, you know, just in case. I am also the person who begins to hyperventilate when leaving a foreign country and the airport security confiscates my airline terminal purchased bottle of water at the gate! My GOD, when that plane is delayed and we are stuck on the tarmac for 5 hours I want to be the one with the bottle of water that saves all of mankind. And yes, my car has any number of batteries in it at all times, along with anything you might need in a hurricane, tornado, tsunami, mass world destruction or girl scout camping. You should see my 3 day earthquake kit (I do not live in an earthquake area) and I believe we could live for 3 years on it. I also have kits to secure my family in our innermost bathroom with duct tape to cover all holes and vents in the event of any type of airborne outbreak. hee heee heeee heee. Don't be scared to come a little closer, I'm really not crazy.

I don't believe I am this way for recognition purposes because I LOATHE to be noticed. I think it relates to my low self confidence. If I am the prepared person I have a way to feel good about myself - yay me. I love to be behind the scenes when it comes to anything. I'm like the pageant coach who loves to make the beauty queen a success, but please just leave me backstage. I don't want anyone to take credit for my work, but I also don't want a round of applause. I LOVE it when people notice that everything is "just right" and I don't mind at all if you talk among yourselves that I am a mastermind of planning - just don't tell me. I have a hard time accepting your compliment. I didn't do it for you, I did it for me. Crazy, introverted, prepared me. At least I think I did it for me, but I'm not sure. I think I'm just a bit weird.