Wednesday, June 4, 2008


I'm working as a volunteer on an annual event. I've been the chairperson in charge of catering for this event for the past 5 years. As a charitable event this is a voluntary job and all the help I get is by other generous volunteers. It is always a fun, fast paced environment and apparently the job gets done pretty well as I keep getting asked to return! The biggest challenge of this event is handling the volunteers under my charge. I can't pick and choose who I get so I make the most of what I'm presented with. Some of my help has been quite indispensable and I am grateful for each and every one of them. However, I have one volunteer that gives me a vibe.

This particular volunteer helped for the first time last year. I got the vibe last year as well, but I brushed it off. Since last year I've seen this particular person at a few different places where she does seem to seek me out. In fact, all the places I've seen her she says, "I was hoping you would be here...." as if she came, in part, to run into me. That is not the entire scope of this vibe, it is one very small part. There are numerous little things that just give me the vibe.

What is the vibe? Well, I think she may be attracted to me. I don't have any problem with people who are homosexual, but it makes me very uncomfortable to feel that someone is checking me out. I will be spending the rest of the week working in close proximity to this person and I just feel funny about it. Now, I know that I could be COMPLETELY off on this vibe. My husband doesn't get it, doesn't see it. I also have made him an integral part of my volunteer team and it is very clear that we are partners and that I am completely happy with my choice of partner. This volunteer knows a lot of the other volunteers, so I'm not the only connection she has to the event. It just seems that she prefers to be with me, near me, around me or helping me at every turn. She is nice, personable and easy to talk to, but I am just getting a VIBE!! And I don't know what to do.

This makes me uncomfortable in the same way it would make me uncomfortable if 'she' were a 'he'. The thought that someone feels something towards you that you either can't or won't reciprocate gives me a weird feeling. I've always been this way, like in high school when you know that someone liked you, but you didn't like them my solution was to avoid all contact.

There's nothing that I 'should' do about this. But the real problem is that I don't know if I'm right or way off base. Maybe she just likes me and is not a homosexual. I guess that is where I'm really wondering - which way does she go? If I knew, then I'd feel a lot better. Then again, if I knew I don't really know what I'd do. The funny thing that really makes me wonder about is that if she is gay and she is attracted to me - WHY? Not to tear myself apart, but I am 37, overweight, undertall and I wouldn't say I have any great 'style' at all. I definately don't have it on the visual. I wouldn't say that I'm all that interesting, but I can say that I am probably the most well rounded person I know (no pun intended). I am FIERCLY independent and I am not the least bit afraid to do any "man's" job. I am EXTREMELY easy going and tend to be a steady calm. I am a GROSSLY common sense driven and I rarely speak unless I am certain I am well educated on the topic. This, however, is not a good selling topic according to my husband as it tends to make me always RIGHT. What he fails to see is that if I don't know the facts, I keep my mouth shut, thus making me usually pretty straight on. I WON'T argue unless I'm certain I'm in the right.

At any rate, I have this situation and I don't know what to do with it. Likely it will only last a week and then I likely won't have to deal with it except on sporadic occasions that we run into one another. I'm planning a Girl's Night Out with some friends next week and I feel like a total heel not inviting her, but I just don't know what to do. Is it wrong to exclude her because I have a vibe???