Halloweenie Roast

My kids decided to have a Halloweenie Roast - and yet they don't like hotdogs. But we invited only the best behaved friends over and had a fun time roasting weenies and igniting marshmallows over a fire. Here is my Miss Behaved Prisoner and my little Red Pirate who should be Anakin....

My little one wanted to be Anakin Skywalker, had to be Anakin, could not live if not Anakin and I gave in and purchased an expensive Anakin costume. Then we went to a yard sale on Saturday and she saw this red pirate outfit which was $5 and had to have it. I talked the lady down to $3 and now Anakin is no more. And I can't return it. This frustrates me so much that I may just turn to the dark side...

On another note, can I just say that I love my husband, because I do and I know that I am very lucky to have him. I'll elaborate on that later...

Happy Halloween! Did anyone even miss me?

Surprise!

Now this is something that says a butt-load about our society....

A random bag of crap which has SOLD OUT! My husband changed my homepage to woot.com which he finds amusing and useful at times and one day they were just selling crap. And it sold out. I took a screen shot, but now can't find it, so I borrowed this photo, but still. This borrowed photo is from last year and I took a screen shot just a few weeks ago. So not only do people buy random crap, they do it continually. Oh yeah, and you can't just buy one, you have to buy three at a time. Really, people, do we not already have enough random crap in our lives. I'm just saying.....

I'm trying to declutter and scale back so this, to me, is mind blowing that someone would buy three of something and have no clue whatsoever what they are getting. I guess it is like the lottery, only it comes with clutter. Or a big screen TV...

I left my heart and some Triscuits...

in San Francisco..... WOW, I had a GREAT time in San Francisco. I loved, loved, loved it. The weather was perfect, it could not have been better. After living in HOTlanta and suffering through the 95-100 degree days it was a lovely feeling to be in the upper 60's for the better part of the week.

I live north of Atlanta, so seeing the homeless daily is not something that I am exposed to. I do go to the city quite often and so I know they are there, but in San Francisco there seemed to be almost as many homeless (or begging) as there were regular people. It was interesting to say the least, and in some cases heartbreaking. I got a good laugh at the lady asking for spare change who was holding a kitten - oh wait, it wasn't a kitten - it was a rat. She also had dyed her hair blue, so I assumed that she probably wasn't too hard up for change if she can use it to buy blue hair dye and feed a nasty pet rat.

We ended up having an extra rolling backpack when it came time to go home. Kevin got a new one while there and so we did not want to carry the old one home. It was a great bag, but he needed something better to carry his laptop in. So we loaded it up with our extra soaps, shampoos and a box of Triscuits that we did not eat. I took it out to the nearest corner and found a guy asking for change - "Do you need a bag?" - and he happily took it from me. We then got all our stuff and waited for our driver. As we sat in the airport shuttle waiting for some other people I saw the guy I gave the bag to. He pulled out the box of Triscuits and I watched him crumble them all up and feed them to the pigeons. Ha - I guess you aren't that hungry after all. It is hard to want to help people when there are so many taking advantage of it, it is obvious that homelessness is a choice for many of these people and it is a shame that those who truly do need help will get overlooked.

I found Chinatown to be the most interesting - I actually almost forgot I was in the US. I stopped in a restaurant for Kung Pao and I was thisclose to asking if they accept US dollars. Thankfully I caught myself before I looked like a total idiot, but if you spend a better part of the day there and realize that no one around you is speaking English, you can get lost in it all.

I had an entire week, but when the end came, I still felt like I had not seen enough. I hope to go back again, I hope to take my kids. It was one of my favorite trips of lately.

I could write a book on all that I saw, but for now it's back to reality, and a ton of work...

Piggies

I want to touch it, I want to play with it, I want to rub my fingers across it, I want to hold it in my hand...

I'm talking about the new IPod ITouch, get your mind out of the gutter!!

It's an IPhone for someone like me who doesn't need an IPhone. I'm not a mac whore or anything close to it, but this thing looks super cool and I think I need one. Of course, I think I'll not rush out and get the first batch and see if they do a crafty little price drop like the IPhone. I doubt it, but no big rush. Which is odd for me because I'm generally very impatient once I decide I want something, I must get it right away for fear that there won't be any left. So ITouch you are on my list. It's the Wi-Fi abilities that get me since when I'm at a hotel I don't generally need my entire laptop, I just need to check email. It would be fantastic to be able to do just that with my IPod. Genius I tell you!! As if someone were reading my mind!!

I'm trying to get ready to leave for San Francisco for an entire week. I can't wait, but there's much work to be done before I go. Today I am sewing little piggies onto red shirts. Ugly little piggies they are, but I just do what I'm told. I do think that I must have some BBQ for lunch now.

Dreamy

I had a dream about my blog last night. I logged on and had 7o comments - not sure which post it was, but 70!! BUT then I was upset in my dream that I had so many comments and that I had no time to repond to them. I don't know if it is wishful thinking or thankfulness that I have very few visitors. Either way the dream went downhill from there.

At some point Kevin and I were on a trip and we had to sleep in a drawer. Yes, a drawer (thank you Jerry Seinfeld). While in the drawer we could not figure out a good position to get it on due to the drawer being full of spoons and cramped, after all it is a DRAWER. There, I said it all out loud. Now, please feel free to tell me what you think my subconscious problem is.

My first thought is that our bed is too small? No, we have a king.

I want to spoon with Kevin? No, he's way too hot for that (body heat, not deliciousness, but yet he is very delicious)

I want a vacation? YES, absolutely, but I don't think that is the root here, I'm leaving for San Fran in a week.

I need to get laid? Well, that currently is not a problem for me.

I want new furniture? MAYBE, I want new furniture, but if I get new furniture then things will probably get ugly between me and Kevin because a) he hates to spend money. b) he hates to spend money. c) he hates to spend money. d) all of the above.

The spoon drawer is empty and I wish someone would wash the dishes? NO, Kevin did the dishes.

I'm at a loss, but it is most likely that I just watch too much TV, is that possible??

Pleasantly Surprised

As much bitching as I've been doing, I actually have something pleasant to report. We returned to the American Girl store this past weekend and there was ZERO wait. The store was not even that crowded! I was in total shock, which allowed my children to take full on advantage of my wallet.

We went to the store at 7:30 pm on a Saturday and it was perfect! I was even massaged into the idea of letting one of the dolls get a massage & facial. We were also able to pop right into the bistro which is located inside the store and sit at the counter for milkshakes and smoothies. They normally take reservations only, but the counter was empty and they were in the process of closing. Since we were only getting dessert they let us go right in and we were attended to quite well.

The bistro decor is so pretty. It is very different from the restaurant in Chicago. Of course the main color is PINK, but it has nice high backed striped seating with pink, yellow and magenta and then the lighting was my absolute favorite! Above the dessert counter there are small faceted lights against a white trimmed out ceiling. It creates this brilliant gathering of sunbursts and it was beautiful. The faceted light covers reminded me of the doorknobs in my great grandmother's home.

Another really cool lighting display was above a table for a larger party. It was oversized pink flower petals with silver accents and bright bulbs. It was SO girlie, but I would love to have it. It was just beautiful.

So, while Karma should have kept me away from this place for many, many moons in relation to my previous ranting post, I was allowed to go and was SO pleasantly surprised. And they had beautiful CAKE, and I love CAKE!!

I made a stranger let me take a picture of their cake because it is reserved for birthday parties only, so the kick in the butt is that I could not have any cake. Though the girl may have given me a bite of hers, she only wanted the chocolate half. Of course, I'm now accepting donations for groceries because we spent all our money on more important stuff...

Step Up

I'm a Girl Scout Leader. Not because it has been my life long dream, but it is because my girl wants to be a Girl Scout and the fact that there are not enough volunteers the only sure way of getting a kid in a troop is to be a volunteer. However, I've been a leader for 2 years now and I have come to really like doing it - short from things that aren't related to the girls. I really do love all the girls I work with, it is harder for some, but I love them all.

I started out my first year with girls from 2nd & 3rd grade. I wanted to have only 3rd (my kids age), but was talked into taking some other girls that were siblings or otherwise had meeting time issues that only our troop could meet. It was a good year.

My second year was when we became Junior level scouts. There was already a Junior level troop meeting at the same time and place we were and I was asked into inheriting that entire troop along with my girls who were moving up. My first inquiry was to the number of girls I would inherit. There were 6 which was manageable with the 6 I was bringing along. A group of 12. As the weeks went on the 6 to inherit somehow became more because of those who said they were not returning and then changed their minds, etc. I did not feel completely comfortable with the numbers, but these girls were previously in the troop and I felt like they would be shafted if not allowed to continue on. The group of 12 quickly turned into 15, and then before I knew it there were 17 girls in the troop. The age range was also insane, the girls were from 3rd grade up to 6th grade ages.

The icing on the cake was that I was pursuaded to take a lot of this on with the condition that there would be a Kindergarten troop for my little one at the same time I was working with the older girls. This never materialized and so the Kindergarteners of me and my co-leader were left out completely with no troop, but had some very high hopes of being in GS. So we then had 17 older girls and our 2 littles hanging out for a total of 19 girls. TOO MUCH!!

We managed to have a good year and we even took the entire group to Gatlinburg, TN for an overnight inside the aquarium. We had fun and I gave it my all. In the meantime my daughter in the Junior level did not particularly like the large troop and the varied ages. It was definately divided and though I tried to dissolve the clicks it was just natural for the olders to gravitate away from the youngers, etc. I told her that we would make the best of the year and see if we could make some changes. In short, we worked with what we had and made the best of it.

This year I've left that troop and hooked up with another leader who's co-lead was leaving and they have a troop of girls all the same age. The troop is limited to 10 girls. Waa HOO! The perfect situation for us. There were spots available so I asked the girls in my older, bigger troop who fit the age requirement if they wanted to come along. Some did. I also tried to make sure that the troop I was leaving had some ideas for a new leader. I did not want any girls left hanging out there and feeling deserted.

I feel like I did the best I could and now I'm getting raked through the mud by the GS leadership and made to feel as if I've done something wrong by 'deserting' the big troop. We also have parents that want to get their girls into our troop and don't understand why we set our limit at 10. Why have the experience if you can't enjoy it? Why don't you start your own troop for your girls? Hey, did you notice that my co-leads mom is terminally ill in Canada and she may have to leave for an extended period of time at the drop of a hat? You bitches just don't care about us or what our lives are like, you just want us to take your kids. You think you are too busy to lead, well if you gave a rat's ass about other people you would see that we are all busy, but it is an effort - an effort I am willing to make for my kid.

The last time I checked I was a volunteer, don't tell me I should shelve my kids needs for yours. The last time I checked the GS will let ANYONE (with a clean background) be a leader and they will train you and show you exactly what to do. The last time I checked each and every girl from the troop I left had a mom or a dad or both who could be a leader, but just didn't want to. WHY am I a bad person here? I took your kids once a week for a year and never asked anything in return. I took your kids away for a weekend and we all had fun. Guess what? My kid wants a different GS experience and I can give it to her so KISS MY ASS!! These people expect me to stay where I am because of the other girls in the troop. So I guess I should just tell my kid that in her NEXT childhood we will do it the way it is intended. I guess I should tell my kid that I'm sorry I can't be her mom because I have to be the mom for these other people's kids.

These parents kill me. They have kids and then spend the rest of their lives looking for a place to dump the kid so they can go to Starbucks. I have run into this in almost every area of activity for my kids. I always volunteer to lead or assist and there are always the assholes that drop their kids and run. They always have sorry ass excuses that they can't lead because they don't know how, or they don't know the sport. I am living proof that anyone can do it. I don't play sports, don't watch (except TOM BRADY, I mean, except football) and I know nothing. But I have been a soccer coach. I've never watched a soccer game in my life and I know nothing about the game, but my kid wanted to play and there was no coach, so I did it. And I learned and we actually won some games. It's an effort and I'm so sick of dumbasses that give no effort to their kids. I applaud the parents who are there, doing what they can so our kids can play and they get no thanks, only critical advice of what they could have done. I've actually heard asswipes talking about how they would have done it better, BUT THEY DIDN'T, they DID NOTHING. And I hope their kid gives them hell for the rest of their lives.

I'm all about helping out kids that need it, but for the bunch of 2 parent, 2 income families in this area who are too busy to get involved they can all just SUCK IT!

Spoiled

Does this look bad to you?

It's our new American Girl store that opened over the weekend. It's a store full of dolls and doll clothes and a restaurant and a doll spa. Yes, a doll spa. This is one of four (I think) stores across the US - a very popular place for girls from 4-12ish. The other stores I know of are located in Chicago, New York and LA. So this is a big deal seeing as how it is RIGHTHERE in North Georgia. It was also, apparently, a big deal for girls from most of our neighboring states.

We decided to go, even though it was opening weekend. I prepared Kevin, "Honey, just know right now that it is going to be chaos plus thousands of girls. Be prepared now to keep your cool. The stuff costs a butt load of money and I'm going to let the kids pick something out, so just keep it under your hat for a while, PLEASE. Mentally, prepare, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE..." I'm begging as we drive there, because patience is not a trait of this man. Crowded places and overpriced toys are also not things to make him go to his happy place - well, unless they are ELECTRONIC toys, and are for HIM.

We see the line outside as we approach (see the photo) which I think this doesn't look so bad. I'm stunned that there is a line just to get in the store, but I'll go with it. Perhaps it will mean a less crowded in-store experience if they are limiting the numbers in. So we go into the mall and get Kevin a pretzel to ease the pain.

Then, we realize - the line is snaking through the mall, what we see in this photo is the end of a THREE to FOUR HOUR WAIT. What the F*^K? Are you kidding me? Now, I am the one who has lost all sense of patience and demeanor. These f*^ktards are waiting for over three hours to go into a store to BUY OVERPRICED toys. I'm dumbfounded. And everyone in the line is HAPPY and EXCITED and clearly all the dads must be sedated. I'm thinking that I've succombed to the idiocy of the world just by agreeing to allow my children to go to this place, and then I've pushed the envelope by agreeing to purchase them something, THEN I actually agreed to WAIT to go in, when I thought that it would be 15 minutes or so, but THREE to FOUR HOURS?! Where do you draw the line? At what point do you turn from just an idiot like me into a full blown cheerleader mom zombie?

Now, I'm sure that there are people who see me as the zombie for even attempting to go on opening weekend. But I wore my ZOMBIES ATE MY BRAIN shirt, so at least I had an excuse. There's a freak level for everyone, but I am proud that my kids were not upset that I refused to wait. They even thought it was crazy and are completely willing to wait until the hype dies down. But will it?? The Chicago store has been open for years and we went there last summer, and it was INSANELY crowded. We did not have to wait to get in, but good grief it was almost un-movable in there. We were in Chi for a week and we tried almost everyday to catch the place not so crowded and it never happened. And being that we had no clue that we were ever going to get our very own store, I allowed my child to schedule an appt. at the doll spa. And I walked the streets of Chi in the heatwave of 2006, sweating while I waited for the doll who was getting her hair done and having a facial. And I was not getting a facial of my own. And then I happily took my children back to pick up the doll and I PAID for the hair and facial day at the spa. And I know that someone saw me do it, and thought to themselves - what kind of f*^ktard...

So, we didn't get to go in the store, but we saw a little bit through the windows and the crowds and we hope to go back, someday and spend a small fortune on the bare necessities. Because you know, every dog that belongs to a doll needs a flower shaped cone for his head when he gets hurt. It just makes good sense.

Uniqueness and a moral

This is one of my absolute favorite family of trees, ever.

Every day for the past 20 years I have loved these trees. I do not think I have ever once passed them by without acknowledging either aloud or to myself how much I adore them.
WHY? Because every fall these ordinary green trees make me happy by showing their colors...



Every fall we are treated to a rainbow of color from these four trees. It is truly amazing that they are all the same type, planted at the same time and cared for the same way, yet each one of them produces it's own shade of beauty and uniqueness.

This reminds me that while I have two kids who are of the same type, same genetics, born at the same time of the year, cared for and raised by the same parents, they, too will produce each their own brand of beauty and uniqueness. And I shall love their differences and celebrate their own unique styles. And I shall be a good mama, and stop thinking that the green would be happier if she acted a little more like yellow or that red would be better off seeing a little orange in her style. And I should express to them daily how much I adore them, even when they show their colors. Colors which do not make me happy.

And there is my fine interpretation of the semblance of kids and trees. And the moral of the story is that if you turn out to be green, instead of orange, you can't really blame it all on your roots.

But, really, is this little tree family not the MOST beautiful? I am SO SO SO looking forward to October.

New Arrival

Today is the first day of school. I have a 1st grader and a 5th grader. It should be easy, but it isn't. I want them to go, but I don't. And I REALLY did not want to get up this morning at 6 am.
I have a love hate relationship with public school. Yes, they take my children and allow me some time to sit on the couch and eat bon bons, but they also force me to get up 5 days a week at an ungodly hour. I think the rigid schedule is what gets me. I'm pretty laid back and I don't like to get into routines, so having a 5 day a week routine just makes me cranky. My kids, though, are very independant which makes a morning about 1000 times easier. I've groomed them well!!

The thing about today is that we have NEW CROCS!! This is an exciting thing!! Yes, it is, just go with it. The new ones that we have do not have the moveable strap, but more of a wet-suit-ish stretchy fabric around the ankle. Very comfortable! Obnoxious to look at! Very comfortable! Anyhoo, we went swimming last night before bed and little girl swam in her new Crocs. This morning the fabric area was still wet!! Not a happy start to a girl who wants to wear Crocs for the first day of school. This really disappoints me about this shoe we all love. It is so impracticle for a shoe designed for outdoorsy-wet-stuff to not dry quickly. Not even OVERNIGHT!! Helloooo - what are you people thinking!!
Well, I popped the lime green monsters in the dryer and they dried, but they also curled up. It all worked out finally, but I'm just baffled as to why this company would use this spongy water sucky material. Clearly if we were camping this would SUCK and my kid would have to wear cold, wet shoes in the morning. Whatever. I'll show those jerks - I'm gonna go buy another pair without spongy water sucky material!! ahem...

Do you like Crocs?

This is what our new Croc's look like. It's as if we've had a new baby.....aww, look at the cute little crocling...

Orange

The following is what my 6 year old consumed in one 12 hour period. Orange soda, orange chicken, orange sherbet, orange carrots, orange cheese puffs, oranges and cheese. And the not photoblogged orange apple jack cereal for breakfast.











I fully expect her to look like this tomorrow...

That is, unless she returns this wonderful final day of summer with a steaming pile of orange vomit. Which is highly likely.

I tell you, there should be awards for parents as good as I am. Really, I amaze myself sometimes.

YIKES

The bridge collapse in Minnesota has me in a place that I never wanted to know existed. I've lived my life in fear of things falling while I'm on them. Not so much a fear as a morbid thought process of "what if" and how things would play out if said object fell and I was plummeting down. What would I think of? Would I devise a plan to cushion the fall? If I JUMP at just the right moment would it help? What MacGyver types of objects do I have with me that I can use to survive the rubble? So, I would not say I was afraid to cross bridges, but accutely aware that in movies, these things can fall.

I don't think I ever really thought it would happen to someone just driving along, minding their own business and BOOM, it's down. I've realized that I don't live, nor have I ever been in an area known for earthquakes, but I thought if ever I were to be in California I may have some mental issues. In an area that is earthquakey this could happen, but not from age, or rust, or whatever it was, somehow if nature causes it then it is meant to be. It's denial that I have. I have truly thought that this could not happen to me. Bridges are inspected and no DOT would ever allow us to drive on unsafe overpasses. Random little thoughts that someone is doing their job and doing it well so that I don't have to worry about bridges falling from the lack of structural integrity and more, lack of human intelligence. Silly me.

But now - NOW I KNOW. The harsh reality has hit home, the naive denial is over. Now I have fear of all things not on the ground. Street grates, overpasses, high decks, swings, sky lifts, ski lifts you name it. We did NOT go to the top of Stone Mountain this past weekend because I'm too much of a head case to get in the cable car, sky lift thingie. The very thing I have been in about a zillion times, but now I have a freakish fear that it will snap and drop. This bridge collapse comes riding on the tail of the cable snap at Six Flags which severed a girl's feet from her body. SEVERED. Did you hear that?? So not only might I fall from the cable car, I could lose some parts in the process because, after all, the thing is held up by CABLES. UNDER TENSION. Sheeesh.

Now, I'm a pretty practical girl and I even refused to let terrorists frighten me from flying, but this is not terrorism, it is stupidity of people and that scares the hell out of me. So I'll be flying to San Francisco on Sept. 11 of this year, and while the date crossed my mind it is out of reverence for those lost, not fear of those who caused it. But you can bet your sweet ass that I won't be stepping foot on the Golden Gate Bridge. Which is sad, because I've never been there before. I'll admire it from land and I'll try to convince those around me that while I am a head case, I'm a pretty nice head case.

Anybody out there in San Francisco??

Land of the Free

Have you been to Stone Mountain? I have. As a kid we lived really close to the mountain and my dad loved to run. About 3 nights a week we would go to Stone Mtn. after dinner so he could run. He would run around the mountain, up the mountain, near the mountain, you name it. We would take our bikes and try to keep up, but usually ended with us giving up and circling the parking lot.



As an adult we don't live really close to the mountain, but we've been a few times in the past few years. Showing our kids, checking out the new things, etc. Lots of amusement activities have been added over the years so there's a bigger draw for the kids.


We used our trip yesterday to do less "fun" and more history with our girls. They learned about the famous carving on the face of the mountain. I learned something new as well. The carving on the mountain is the largest high relief carving in the world. I never knew that it was actually that much larger than Rushmore. I've never been to Rushmore, but I had visions of it being much larger than our little carving. The funny thing is that the artist who did Rushmore started on Stone Mountain, but did not complete it. Years later instead of finishing what Gutzon Borglum started, they blasted it off and started anew. Speaking of our not so little carving you can see by my photos a bit of the scale. This is my six year old in the mouth of "Black Jack", General Lee's horse. Of course you can't actually get to the carving, but they had a life size reproduction of the lower horse jaw. (photo from my phone, ick.)








If I was all Dave-like I could have provided you with a nice depiction of how this pans out to an insert with lines and scale and whatnot. However, I'm not, so I'll just tell you. She is in the mouth of the horse in the front with it's head up. That may give you an idea of how big this carving really is. Unbelievable. The detail is incredible. Something funny is that while skilled artists began this work and vision, it was eventually completed by a stone mason with no artistic training or background.



In the evening we stayed for the Laser Show which they show on the carving. It would not photograph, but it is a cool show and set to some good music. Since my childhood this show has been about as country redneck as you can go when it comes to music. They have actually updated the song list to include everyone. They even threw in some 80's synth with Ray Lynch which made Kevin's ears perk up. The show is fun, but since the very beginnings of it the main focus is on the history of the south and pride in America. The final song is and will probably always be, God Bless the USA, by Lee Greenwood. No matter what you did during the day this show brings you back to the old south and the war that brought the north and south together. It also reminds us that we are indeed free and that freedom comes with a price. No matter what your stance is on the war of today, no matter how disgruntled you can feel towards our government, you can't help the rush of emotion and pride for our country and our soldiers. And you can't help, but to stop, for just a minute, and realize what we take for granted most days...our freedoms and those moms, dads, brothers, sisters, sons and daughters that are out there, doing what they can, so we can remain the land of the free.

Cords

I hate cords. Period. No question.

Clearly, opposites attract as this was hanging from the back of Kevin's entertainment center - one large lump of tangled up cords. Yes, that is Kevin's entertainment center because there is no way in hell I am claiming ownership of such a mess. We got a new TV and my job was to untangle the god awful mess because Kevin was already damning things and cats to hell while he managed to throw some pictures across the floor. Patience. Clearly, opposites attract.

Anyhoo, we have a sweet new plasma TV. If we can get it arranged by midnight the marriage might just survive.

Creamy

No matter what anyone tells you, believe me...Laser Hair Removal HURTS.

The spa that I go to offers a numbing cream which is quite expensive. Not to say that it's not worth almost any amount of money to escape the pain, I was certain that I could get a less expensive numbing cream. So I read up on the matter, found an item to look for and headed off to the pharmacy. Well, none of the pharmacies that I went to knew what in the world I was talking about. I clearly explained that I was undergoing laser hair removal and blah, blah, blah, but no one knew of this cream that I so desired. There was only one pharmacist that offered another solution.

Now, this pharmacist was a younger type of man, not the typical gray beard. I'd say he was in his 30's and very Enrique Suave looking. He listened to my dilemma and said, at first, that he had nothing. So I started to stroll the aisles and see if I could find anything that might work. Then a little female pharmacy worker came up to me and pulled me aside and began to whisper, "the pharmacist has thought of something that may help, it is in the family planning area", which at family planning she could barely get the words out. I was amused by the secrecy of the whole matter and I wanted to scream out - "OH, YOU MEAN PENIS CREAM!!??", but I did not.

It was just hilarious to me that in a medical related type of field these people were embarrassed to talk about 'family planning products'. Especially the pharmacist himself. I mean, he actually had to send a female over to me to suggest a great idea. Maybe he is all too familiar with the product, who knows. So I was off to the 'family planning area' to look at penis cream. There were several types of creams to numb the area, which as you boys know makes things last longer. While I was there for a different reason, it was quite intriging. For the most part, PENIS CREAM has about 8% numbing agent. So I continued to look around and I found a product for the relief of pain from BOILS. What is a boil? I don't know, but they must be quite painful as the BOIL CREAM has 20% of the same numbing agent as PENIS CREAM. Giggling I took a tube of both BOIL CREAM and PENIS CREAM up to the pharmacist and proceeded to ask questions about if the two might work the same way, only the BOIL CREAM should work much better. He did his best to help me, but clearly wanted to crawl under the counter. Grow up boys!!

With my BOIL CREAM in hand I was off. It worked quite well I might add. I have another treatment today and I've just covered myself in BOIL CREAM. It is thick and gooey and smells horrible, but I can't feel the friggin' laser beams so I love it. And I'm happy that I don't have to tell you that I just rubbed PENIS CREAM all over my legs. My fingers, though, are beginning to get a little num,fb, thwe stufgf is harwd to wawsh off...

Karma

I believe in Karma. I've been proven far too many times that if you make a bad choice you will pay for it.

Ya know, they've made a whole TV show about Karma - My Name is Earl. If it is on TV it must be true. It's a funny show and there is always a nice little moral lesson to it. I have not spent my life doing horrible things to other people, but I've had my fair share of moments of selfishness and greed when my very happiness was so much more important than that of anyone around me. This is a lesson I work on daily.

Yesterday, I made a bad choice. I chose not to work - I needed to work, I needed to deliver some jobs, pick up some new work and in general service some of my customers. I chose not to. What did I do with my morning? Nothing really. I read blogs, piddled around the house, in general, I did nothing. I had a meeting in the afternoon and then watched the kids swim. So today is the day to work, make deliveries, pick up more work, keep some customers happy, etc.

Oh SNAP - my car won't start.

Karma, I'd call you a bitch, but I'm already without a car so I won't push it. I can't wait for the phone to start ringing of people wondering where their product is.

So here I sit. Perhaps I should do something more productive than blog.

Robot Snot

The cover of my man's Popular Science caught my eye. Apparently bomb robots have synthetic snot which allows them to determine information about the bomb they are sniffing. BUT their little robotic nose is only trained to smell chemical types of smells. This is not enough because scientists are working to make this robotic snot be able to smell things like bananas, peppermint and paint. Uhhhmm, okay.

The idea is to teach the said snot to be able to sniff out diseases as well. They would be used in hospitals to detect throat or eye infections long before any other symptoms appear. Great idea, but if I have no symptoms, why am I in the hospital? And why are you sticking fake snot down my throat? Oh yeah, and when exactly did my doctor become a robot??? Oooh yeah, right around the time the HMO thing kicked in...

Anyhoo..

I MUST know...

I read the end of Harry Potter - without reading the book. But that's how I roll, I don't like not knowing what is going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I will read the book and I appreciate the creative mind that wrote it. But I now KNOW and am happy!! I'll get to it after my kids finish it.

So, yesterday, I did NOT know what was going to happen. I decided to meet DAVE. I don't know him, never have seen him and the only thing I had to go on was that he thinks he is the center of the freakin' universe.

I tried not to form a vision of how I thought Dave would be, but it was hard, because I read his blog and it is so... well, so Daveish.

I was surprised when we met because he is SO Daveish, yet SO MUCH MORE. I won't throw him under the bus and ruin the OmniDave impression that he has built up over the years because he is frankly FANTASTIC. But I did find some pleasantly welcomed surprises and in general an all around cool person.

I was honored to be the one to hose him off of the World of Coke representative that he was beating senseless with a baseball bat because - THERE WAS NO COKE WITH LIME.

OH YEAH - and I now have a Dave Number of 2 - na na na boo boo!! I wish I could be a #1, but I think Kevin may be a little uncomfortable with that...But who knows, maybe next time! Just Kidding Kevin!!

Not a princess...

Cowboy Boots - that is the dress code of the day around here. They look particularly smashing with the blue shorts she has chosen to compliment them. I try to let my kids determine their own style most days. It keeps everyone happier around the house and it provides mounds of entertainment for us adults. My little girl will mostly wear only "cool boy clothes". Which I indulge her. Her combinations are less than appealing sometimes.

Around Mother's Day her school took photos to make a gift for us moms. They framed it and wrapped it and it was a really cute gift. The problem is that on that particular day my little girl wore boy clothes to school - like most days. Whoever did the photos didn't like what she wore so they took a giant bow off of another little girl and topped my child's head with it. They figured she needed to look like a girl, but what I got was a picture of my cute little tomboy with a giant bow on her head. I love the picture, heck I love any picture with my kids in it, but when I look at it I see everything that she is not because they tried to make her into something she is SO NOT.

What is it with the world and stereo types? My friends can't believe that I actually mow our lawn (gasp!) and can run all of our power tools. Meanwhile my husband does the dishes almost daily and does laundry whenever the pile gets too big. I guess I'm lucky that I found someone that can appreciate me and my ideals. I would not say that I'm a feminist, but I just don't think that because I'm a female the inside of the house is my job and the outside is his job. That just seems so archaic to me. If it is a pretty day and I want to be outside, well, why not get something done? Last time I checked you don't need to have a special license to drive a mower.

So I'll continue to mow the lawn when it is convenient for me and I'll let my kids determine their own style. I'll try to teach them that they can do whatever it is that they want to do, and it has nothing to do with whether they are a girl or a boy. Sometimes I look around and think that our world has come a long way and other times it seems that we are on a treadmill and getting no where. There are opportunities for my girls in so many areas, but changing the way people think and treat them will never be fully changed. Not every girl loves pink and wants to be a princess!!

Bloggin'

I'm getting really bad at the blogging thing. I've not updated near enough and my head seems to be empty of what to blog about. I don't want to MOMMY BLOG because quite frankly I read other blogs to escape what surrounds me. I love what surrounds me, but I enjoy leaving here to read what surrounds other people as well.

I'm actually going to meet up with another blogger next week and I could not be more thrilled. I'm a little nervous though because I'm meeting with quite an expert blogger. Perhaps I can glean from the mastery!! But really what makes me nervous is that I've no idea who this person truly is and vice versa. I guess I'm feeling what someone would feel about to go on a blind date and it is really weird. It is exciting and unknown and the anticipation is killing me. What I know of this person has got to be a scratch of the surface.

I read so many blogs of people who meet and have a great time. I've had visions of attending Tequila Con or a Blogger Meet, but this just dropped in and I'll take it! It is certainly a new realm for me and my husband thinks I'm crazy (but that is nothing new!). It is amazing how technology has connected our world and how quickly the length from coast to coast can shrink. The deep south bible belt is about to meet the far northwest. This meeting brought to you by the internet invention of AL GORE!! ;)

Hands

It's his hands that I love the most, I love to see them, I love to feel them. They are soft and strong, they often comfort me, soothe me and melt me. It's true that things can be changed with a touch. One brush of his hand against my skin can turn a mood and cause me to tingle. One touch can soften the most stubborn attitude. One touch can remind me of the reasons that I can not imagine my life without him. One touch can remind me of what love feels like and how one single person can captivate my mind, my body and my soul. One touch reminds me how lucky I am to have found him and how blessed I am to be loved so completely.

Sweet Freedom

I love my kids. Period. No question.



I CAN NOT WAIT UNTIL SUNDAY.....both my kids will be gone for an entire WEEK!!



Whilst I love them dearly they are driving me nuts and I totally just need to be able to go to the frigging store without having to gather two less than happy children, various mismatched shoes and just enough toys to make the 2 minute ride bearable (meaning 352 Littlest Pet Shop bobble headed animals). I'm usually easygoing, laidback and pretty well calm, but lately I just want to go to Eckerd and not make it a full on broadway production. I'm feeling a little tied down, a little restless and I need some freedom.



My friends with kids who have no family nearby and who take their kids with them everywhere they go think I'm spoiled. I get a lot of free time from my kids, my mom is close and I am lucky. However, I am the type who needs massive amounts of total freedome in order to feel normal. There are people who think I am less of a mom because of this. I get really cranky if I don't get my required "alone" time. I think that since I know this about myself it actually makes me a better mom. I know when I need to get away from them - other people think they are a better mom because they never leave their kids. I know people who NEVER go out without their kids and that makes me want to scream at the thought.

So, who cares what anyone thinks - I'M FREE!!! Yipee!!

Plan Ahead Dumbass

I am the proud owner of a custom embroidery business. I decided about 5 years ago that I was tired of having to wait months on end to get my kids name sewn on a lunchbox by the local embroiderer, I'm pretty crafty, mildly like to sew and why not get my own machine???!! So I did it and before 6 months was up I had moved from a small home machine to an almost driveable commercial embroidery machine. It cost as much as a car, but I had people lined up waiting for me to adorn their kids things with names and cute frogs. It has gone rather well. I've never spent money on advertising, yet I have more work than I'd like to have. Word of mouth, great friends supporting me and a few local showings have gotten my little business on the map.

But it just isn't as fun any more. I'm waivering on whether or not to keep it going. The reason is that I've run into far too many people who are pieces of shit. I am so tired of dealing with far too many customers who have no respect and treat me as if I were their servant. I know that comes with business and that customers are what make the profits and the customer is always right, but why the hell do you have to be such a bitch about it?? And why for one should I rush your job because you have no organizational skills? I have run into far too many people with embroidery emergencies and it makes me laugh that they get so freaked out about stuff, but then it just really PISSES me off because I'm supposed to fix their dumbass procrastination problems. The last time I checked you pretty much know that a kid is going to graduate from high school starting in August at the beginning of the school year, worst case scenario is late January when you know if they are passing or not. So why is it that you have to wait until 2 days before graduation to order a personalized gift???

My husbands advice is to JUST SAY NO! I'm not that type of person, though I should be. I JUST SAID NO to a lot of people last December when they waited until my kids were out of school and wanted me to sew gifts for them. WHEN?? My kids are home on break and I'm officially CLOSED, I actually advertised since the beginning of November that I would be CLOSED once the school holiday started and I made my deadline clear. But Susie calls and just needs one little thing done. Why doesn't Susie realize that along with her one little thing there are 100 other Susies that left me the exact same message the same day!!?? Everyone thinks they are special, but nobody thinks I am. I am the one doing all the work to make your sorry procrastination dumbass look like a hero with a great gift. Then you are going to try to talk down my price as if I am not already the best price in town.

So my dilemma is whether or not to throw in the towel. At one time we really did have good use for the extra income, but at this point there is not a need. My income is great and it provides fun money for us, but we aren't exactly in a spot where it would hurt if I just didn't do this anymore. But I really like to do it - for some people and I really don't like to do it for others. Can I pick my customers?? The problem with that is everybody knows everybody else and I can't really "close", but keep doing stuff for some of the good people - or can I? I wish I could be the bitch for once, but that just is not my personality.

So nothing solved by this vent, but it felt good. My business license fee is due - what's a girl to do?

I'm a MOM?!?!

My very thought after having my first daughter was FEAR. What had I done? It was such a surreal end to the nine long months of anticipation. Like ecstatic joy and mind numbing doubt all at once.

Luckily it has been 10 years and we've both survived my stupidity. We even managed to add a little sister in once I took 4 years to calm down after birth.

Being a mom is harder than I thought, to me I think that girls are harder, but I don't have boys. We just had the big talk about what is going to happen to her body soon. She is not surprisingly laid back about the whole thing. I was intensely worried at her age after my mom told me very little about puberty. Red is so much more laid back than I am and I'm pretty cool. She absolutely doesn't let things rattle her or other people bother her - she is just happy to be her and what anyone else thinks doesn't matter. I have no idea where she gets this trait, but I love it.

My husband wanted to get Red a shirt that said "Trust Me, I know Fashion". Of course he was being a total butt because Red wears exactly what feels good to her - there's no matching, no outfits, no coordination and no discussion. She wears what strikes her mood and will sharply tell you that she wears what SHE likes. What a girl - I hope that I can manage to not destroy her total self love and that even better there is never a male that destroys it for her. I want to protect her, but I have to let her live and I know how hard the road ahead is and how I have to let her travel it in her own way. Being a mom is hard.

Wiped Out

I can think of NOTHING to write about. I've got too many things to do floating around in my head.

I'm wiped - I took 15 Girl Scouts on a 5 hour car ride to the Gatlinburg Ripley's Aquarium to Sleep in the Shark Tunnel. It was really cool, but I got NO sleep. I mean ZERO. And then we had to drive the 5 hours back home, on ZERO sleep. That, my friends, is safety at it's best. I can't decide if the best part was the girl who literally cried all nite - and I mean literally all nite - or the barfing in the car on the way home. Good times! It was really cool to have the entire aquarium all to ourselves - kind of like Night at the Museum, only nothing happened, bummer.

I'm getting on the f-ing treadmill today, if it kills me.

Death Called

Death or Beth? - cute girl with blonde hair or tall guy in a robe with a sickle?

That still cracks me up (a line from Just Shoot me). I love TV.

Dave over at Blogography is thinking about Death with all of his new found responsibility. Funny, because the thought of death is partially what prompted me to start this blog which I never seem to have anything good to write about it. I digress...

In February I decided that I wanted to up the man's life insurance and decided to up mine as well - the amount up meant all new physical/medical tests for the both of us. I've become accustomed to such a posh lifestyle with my man's earnings that I wanted to make sure that when he dies on the couch playing Zelda that my life won't have to change much, except that I'll not have to make cheese dip anymore.

Lo and behold we are both out of shape, so we don't qualify for "premium pricing", not that I really expected to, but I did not think that we were in the category of "could drop dead tonite". Apparently HE is, but I'm in the middle. So in order to make sure that my kids are well provided for we have tons of life insurance now, but it is costing a butt load of money. Besides the money, the thought that we are relatively unhealthy people has me thinking about death and how, unlike Dave, I am completely NOT ready for it.

My last dying wish would be for someone to go and TORCH my house, because if anyone had to go through and see what a shambles my business paperwork is in it would rock me in the grave. I would never want anyone to unveil the facade I've spent years building up. I'm SO not together - business or personal. Most of my friends think I'm so with it and they are so wrong. They wonder how I do it all and I secretly want to scream - because I feel like a total loser. I do just enough of any one aspect the make it seem "together". My kids know I'm a wreck, but luckily I can stiffle them with donuts. They've promised to never tell anyone and they know that if they do I'll rip the lifegiving batteries from their Tamagotchis.

I don't know if I'll ever be ready for death - right now, being a mom I feel like I can't die. If Death showed up at the door I would have to give him a cookie and send him back home because I've got too much to do to have company over. I would rather be anything (paralyzed, dismembered, etc.) than to have to miss out on what's to come for my girls. How could I not be there for them? That in itself would be worse than death for me. Of course, they stand to get so much money from my death that they could probably soothe their pain with the purchase of a Mercedes.

So death, I'm not ready, but I can refer you to Dave and he gives out free t-shirts.

Help a Girl

I've come to realize that my low self esteem is due largely in part to a high school relationship. I spent 3 years with a boy who continually degraded me and ended up eventually crushing my heart. The thing I can't realize is why I stayed. I read about women who are abused both physically and emotionally and wonder sometimes why they don't just leave, what man is worth it? In a way though, that was me. It was not worth it and I knew it, but I stayed with him, why?? I won't go into specifics on the relationship because the very thought of this man is not worth my time. He totally sucks and I hate him with every ounce of my being.

I pray for my daughters and the men that they will encounter in their lives. It makes me sick to think that they will spend even one second of their time on a low life man that will destroy any part of them. Sadly it has already started for my 10 year old and I have such a hard time relating to her how to handle it. I don't think I know how to handle it. I hit the world's biggest jackpot in college when I met my now husband and I'm certain that there is not another man on this earth that can measure up to him in the way he treats me. I got so lucky, I believe that if I had not met him and had continued in the relationship that I was in at the time I would be a statistic and would be one of those women that I am wondering about right now. I love my husband, he is utterly and completely my true love and I respect him more than I can say.

Red has tons of friends, everyone she meets is her friend and that includes tons of boys. Boys can be mean (so can girls), but there's one boy in particular that they liked each other and then had a falling out. The boy spent the rest of 3rd grade being horrible to my child, with insults, teasing, you name it. It infuriated me to no end and the school counselor's advice was to put all of the responsibility on my child. Instead of the school taking up issue with the boy my little girl is told that when someone hurts her feeling she should use her "I" messages. "When you say that I feel.....blah blah blah".

I do see the benefit in my child saying how she feels and letting other people know when they hurt her, but I want to see retrobution (is that the word?). I want to see the boy take some blame for what he is doing to my girl!! Come on!! I fully believe that women should take responsibility and do what they can to make a situation better, but I also say let's string up the stupid boys by their toes and make them hurt!!

It all boils down to this - I really think that I hate men. I believe that there are two men on this earth that I would ever trust, my husband and my dad. This is an issue that I struggle with everyday, with men that I encounter. I don't want to be this way, but I have been the victim of a long string of men that have degraded me, used me and killed my spirit. I don't want my girls to think this way because at times it consumes me. I am trying to be better. I do want to make sure that my girls are equipped to kick these types of guys to the curb without a thought - that is one of my big hurdles and I'm trying to figure out the best approach.

I'm trying..

"When we screw up, we have an opportunity to teach our children that humans make mistakes. We can ask for forgiveness. We can do better in the future and hope that, when our children become parents themselves, they will have learned that we don't have to be perfect to be lovable and that forgiveness is a gift that heals."

I read this today and thought about how I self righteously proclaimed myself better than Alec Baldwin as a parent. Or at least not as bad.....when the truth be told I have probably made my children feel insignificant on more than one occasion. I usually have an opinion when I get to observe someone else fail at something, deep in the back of my head I think of ways that I could have done it better than them - what I should do is to observe and learn. I have been given more than my fair share of opportunity to learn from my own mistakes and sometimes I do, but more often than not I brush over the fact that my failure was somehow caused by some outside force. What I'm working on is to see my faults and to accept them and to try to make better what bothers me the most. My failures are MY fault and not the cause of someone else's mistakes. Why is that so hard to accept?

I feel so defeated sometimes, like I can't keep it all going - the house, the business, the kids, the various things I've gotten myself into doing. When will I get a break? I feel like I have so much crushing down on me at times and I take out my frustration on those who are around me. I'm crabby or impatient or just withdrawn. Mostly those around me are my kids and then I feel like a crappy mom. I'm starting to notice that when I get impatient with my kids if I really and truly step back and take a look at the situation the problem is my attitude. I have a choice as to how I handle mishaps, arguments, even successes and joys. They are just kids and I so often forget that. I expect WAY too much out of my 10 year old, but in my defense, she has shown me in so many ways how capable she truly is. She has an amazing personality and is such a truly compassionate person. She understands so much and when she acts like she's 10 I want to lose my head.

I remember 10 years ago in the hospital after I had just had my daughter and I was exhausted and excited and then I started to get scared. I thought to myself - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? Thoughts were racing through my mind about the responsibility that I had just brought upon myself for the next 18 years and beyond. My child was taken away to NICU (she had strep) amidst my worry I realized the fact that I was a mom - me, a mom. It was so overwhelming and so unbelievable and I thought to myself I CAN'T DO THIS, what have I gotten myself into?

I still think those thoughts at times, that I can't do this. I feel like a kid playing house and I'm hoping that the real adults will come in and take over soon. But I am the adult, and as Lynyrd Skynryd reminds me

"dont you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try."

So I'm trying, and hopefully my kids will be better moms for all of my shortcomings.

Don't Worry

Spontaneity is one of my better traits. I absolutely HATE to have my life planned out and if everything is planned out I go into this paralysis of effort sort of behavior. It's like I will do ANYTHING except for what I should be doing, just for the sake of not doing it. Then I get all behind on work and the house and I go postal because I'm stressed out. OK, maybe it isn't one of my better traits after all. But in the end, I think I like people like me a lot. I remember dating my husband and going on family vacation with his mom, dad & brother. They are VERY planned people and in order to go to the restroom we could only stop at the very rest area which they have always gone to. So I'm ready to pee in my pants and I ask them to pull off at the next exit so I can find like a BP or something and his mom shoots me with daggers of ice, "we will stop where we always stop at the rest area in whatevertown, I'm sure you can make it". And then she gives me the fake smile that I still love to this day (not!).

Years later when mother in law was travelling with us we stopped off whenever and wherever we felt like it - pee forthcoming or not. She actually made a comment, "I have never stopped on a trip so much, this is fun!" and I'm thinking - DUHH! Loosen' up!! She is the type that will literally take the clothing off of my children so that she can make sure that ALL the laundry is done. She actually knows how many minutes it takes for the dryer to cut off so she can go right in there and fold/hang everything. It is of my opinon that the dryer is an extra closet, isn't it?? I know that she does little things in particular because she wants to impress other people, that I just don't get.

My wish for the world is that people would just chill out. Honestly is it worth it to spend so much of your life worrying - and I particularly mean worrying about what other people think? Who gives a crap what they think. My house is a wreck and I'll pick it up when I feel like it, not because it is cleaning day or because you may drop by, because if you change the way you think about me because my couch pillows are on the floor then I'm definately going to change the way I think about you!